Douchebag of the Week - May 23, 2006

So I'm clearing the dust off of the Evil Twin of William Jennings Bryan "Pat Robertson Douchebag of the Week" Award. Why? Because Pat Robertson is back in the news and that deserves recognition.

First, the nominees that did not win:

Jesus Camp: The award goes to the people in the movie, not the makers. "Jesus Camp" is a documentary about kids that attend a summer camp that will train them to be evangelists. Look, I'm a good Christian boy (most of the time), but I will always rail on people playing on the vulnerability of kids. The link above goes to the Variety site, where you will find a clip from the movie. Near the end the lady says something about how if Harry Potter was real he would be sent to hell, or something to that effect. Check it out. She's really peaceful sounding. Actually, I think she may be the sister of the crazy Christian lady from Trading Spouses.

Vidmantas Sungaila: Good ol' Viddy was arrested for drunk driving in Lithuania. Police reported that his blood-alcohol level was 18 times the legal limit. He should have been dead, but instead he was driving. His excuse? He has too much the night before and tried a little "hair of the dog" by pounding a pint for breakfast.

Country radio and its listeners: Yes, they deserve the award for playing country music, but that's not what this is for. Remember the Dixie Chicks? Not many people do. Their career has been on the down low since they criticized the Iraq war back in '03. Now they have put out a new album that is highly critical of Bush. Taking a page from "Hitler's Guide to Opressing Free Thought" country music stations all over the country have pulled it from their playlists. Sure, they'll play a song where the singer talks about putting his boot up Osama's ass, but not this.

William Jefferson: I know, I know. Its shocking that there is political corruption coming out of Louisiana, but its true. And before you go crazy, its a Democrat for once. So Mr. Jefferson was caught accepting bribes. Just a few weeks before, when the news broke about the possibility, Jefferson denied wrong-doing. What now? Well, he is claiming that the search of his office was aviolation of the separation of powers. OK, except, as a reporter pointed out, they had a warrant. The best line from the evidence comes from a point where Jefferson reportedly joked about him and a partner passing notes like the FBI was watching. His partner was wearing a wire. Also, he was caught in the same place as Monical Lewinsky and Larry Franklin (he was caught passing secrets to Israel). This guy really deserves to win, but as you will read, there is only one person douchey enough to take the prize.

And the winner...

Who else, but our beloved Pat Robertson. What for? Well, it turns out that our dear friend Pat claims that he can leg-press 2000 pounds. I'm not kidding. Check the link. Look, I will rightfully claim that I have very strong legs. When at the gym, I generally will do sets of leg presses at around 200+ pounds. The record for the leg press at Florida State is 665 pounds. So this guy must be full of crap. How does he do it? By drinking a protein shake. No, seriously.