In the bar that I will someday open...

Pete over at Life Outside the Rat Race came up with a prompt: What will the bar that you open look like (even if you never plan on opening a bar)? Here's my thought:

1. It will be called The Jack Russell or Point E (see Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy).
2. There will be no neon signs.
3. Anybody wearing clothes purchased at HotTopic will not be permitted.
4. no fauxhawks.
5. There will be an entire section of red leather chairs.
6. If you scream - you leave (a.k.a. the sorority girl rule - applies to men and women)
7. jukebox: VIP customers can upload songs from their iPods, but any iPods containing Panic at the Disco will be given a virus.
8. Beers on tap: Guinness, Harp, all variations of Sierra Nevada, XX amber, Firestone Double Barrel, all variations of Stone, Tetley's, Murphy's, Piraat, Boddington's, Bud Light (for those kind of people), Coors Light (for my family from Texas), Fuller's ESB (for Pete), PBR (for Marlon), Dixie Crimson Voodoo, all variations of Craftsman, and a rotating selection of whatever I feel like getting hammered on at the time.
9. All of the tables will have 80's video games in them.
10. There will be an adjoining bookstore where we will have a political book club. Drunken reading will be encouraged.
11. Soccer matches will have top priority on the big screens, but every table will have its own small TV so people can watch the boring sports (i.e. basketball).
12. Every person that brings in their ballot stub on election day can trade it in for one beer.
13. Sunday/Saturday afternoon happy hour in the summer: $2 sapphire n' tonics
14. There will be a selection of really good wines, but they will be cheap and delicious - like Pillar Box Red.
15. Teachers that teach in ghetto high schools will get 50% of food at all times.
16. Chicken wings will be served in two flavors: "hot" and "mother-fucking hot".
17. Rule #1: no bitches (applies to men and women)
18. Drunk VIPs get free rides home in the Point E hybrid car.
19. St. Patrick's Day = only people I know get in.
20. If you start making out in my bar you are banned for life
21. Schooners
22. high-fiving is strictly prohibited unless you are watching a sporting event
23. Show up dressed as a ninja or a pirate - free drink!
24. Costumes will be encouraged on Halloween, but it you show up as a slutty _______, we get to pour beer on your head and throw chicken bones at you until you leave - and no themed costumes for couples.
25. Wednesday movie nights featuring Big Lebowski, Army of Darkness, Bubba Ho-Tep, Red Dawn, Rocky IV, Old School, Office Space, Fear of a Black Hat, Indiana Jones, Star Wars (4-6 only)

Its a long list, but I have high standards.

Summer drinking

Summer is upon us and that means that a new season of drinking arrives alongside the 100-degree temps and smog-warning days. Here is a short run-down of what I plan to drink this summer:

Beer:

My number one all-time favorite summer beer has to be Pacifico. Corona has always had an aftertaste that I don't like and Dos Equis is a little too inconsistent. Pacifico is always light, crisp, and refreshing.

If you are looking for something a little more beer-snobbish I tend to look towards Pale Ales in the summer. I'll never turn down a good stout or Porter, but the crisp hoppiness of Pale Ale always feel like the weapon of choice. A few of my favorites are the Kona Fire Rock and the Karl Strauss Stargazer. Plus, there is always the trusty Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.

Other lighter beers that I often go with during the summer: Quilmes - Argentina's favorite beer (that's made in Chile), Sierra Nevada Summerfest, and I even venture into the world of Michelob Ultra. I won't admit that Coors Light is sometimes the way to go when you want something completely watery when its super-hot.

Cocktails

Now, I'm not much of a drinker of cocktails so my recommendations in this area are few. However, a few things stand out. First, although nothing made with tequila will ever again touch my lips, margaritas seem to be the way to go in summer for some. Honestly, I like the taste of Margarita mix. I could see the refreshing nature of margaritas, but I would prefer the on-the-rocks version. The new hot drink around here is the Mojito. That's a great summer drink - light, minty, sweet, the crispness of lime. My dad makes his using a simple mint syrup or even the pre-made mojito mix you can buy in the store. (My dad, by the way, is the king of simplifying. He used to mix a whole jar of instant coffee into like two cups of water, put it into a jar, and use it as a substitute for espresso in blended coffee drinks).

Having said that, there is one king of summer cocktails in my view - Gin and Tonic. Crisp, Refreshing, that slight hint of juniper, bubbly, ice cold. Nothing - and I mean nothing - beats an ice cold sapphire and tonic on a hot day.

Wine

I've been really into wine for the last few years. I'm starting to become quite the geek about it. My stock is about 30 bottles right now, but I hope to have the budget (and storage) for more in the future.

What to drink this summer in wines? First, I think you should move as far away as you can from the oak-ridden chardonnay. To me, the butteriness of the standard California Chard just doesn't fit the summer. Think Ron Burgundy in Anchorman pounding that milk in the heat - that's what I get from these wines. However, there are a number of good non-oaked versions out there. One of my favorites is the Kim Crawford unoaked Chardonnay. Its nice and crisp, not oakey (no shit) and it is easily found at even a place like Vons for like $10-12.

I'm also looking into checking out a few Roses (I can't get the accent to work - pronounced Rose-Ay rhymes with Jose). Yeah, I said it. However, these tend to be cheaper since nobody buys them because people think that they are sweet like Kool-Aid (which is another great summer drink). There are a lot of producers taking a shot at drier versions of "the pink". One of them is Lafond. I went there Memorial Day weekend. Their Rose is a bad example since it was like watered down strawberry kool-aid or maybe even like the Ecto-cooler that they made back when Ghostbusters was the shit. Ecto cooler was greenish though. For some good info on the possibilities of Rose, check out Wine Library TV. Gary Vaynerchuk is far from the older snooty wine guys. He's younger, kind of crazy sounding, but has a great show. In any case, episode 243 of Wine Library TV talks about the Rose. There are lots of other great episodes. I usually check them out as Podcasts, but for some reason iTunes is not liking the link right now. You can watch them on the computer though.

I also plan on looking into some Italian whites. There is one bottle (not an Italian white) that I am really really really looking forward to opening. While on the Spring Break for old people trip, we stopped at Kynsi. One of the bottles that we picked up was a Pinot Blanc that just knocked my socks off. It was maybe the 2nd stop of the day, so I wasn't drunk or anything. This was just a great wine (no oak!).

So there's my drinking agenda for the summer. I have until Thursday at my regular school and then summer school through the end of July. However, summer school is easy, ends at 1:00, and is only 1/2 mile from home - which leaves plenty of time for drinking.

Please let me know what you are drinking this summer.

Busted again!

A few days ago I wrote about another episode of a secret hold ironically being placed on a bill that was written to make government more open. Well, the culprit has been nabbed and it is none other than Arizona Republican (big surprise) Jon Kyl. He says that his concern is that the Justice Dept. will be forced to reveal sensitive secrets. Yeah, because the law really seems to be having quite an effect on the Justice Department these days.

On another note about a douchebag Senator, there is a new website dealing with Minority Leader Mitch McConnel's continued protection of the person using the secret hold against the bill that would require members to file electronically with the FEC - a requirement that would make it easier to create a database showing where they get their money. Here's a link to the website - brilliantly titled Whatsmcconnellhiding.com.

Maybe the single greatest invention ever

If you're like me, which I assume most people are, then you hate people that make noise during movies. The most common offenders are the people that hold full conversations about who-knows-what, but there are also the cell phone talkers and the old people that have to yell to each other about every line that every character says. That's right, I'm dogging on old people. Who else do I hate? The people that bring their kids to see 3-hour epics. Hell, all kids that are in a theater showing anything that is not a cartoon or made by Nickelodeon.

Well, here is the answer for all of us: the remote control complainer. Regal theaters will be installing these devices that allow you to push a button to not only complain about the picture and the sound, but also the annoying-ass people sitting behind you - all without leaving the theater! Basically, one person in the theater - a member of their "Loyalty Club" gets the device and they get to page a theater employee if there is a problem. Its not the solution, but its a good start.