One less reason to drink in the morning

This weekend brings the end of the English Premier League season. Its not an end to all soccer as the Galaxy are in full swing, but I don't get to go to the pub and have a pint at 7am to watch MLS. In any case, European soccer leagues don't work like American sports. There are no playoffs. All 20 teams in England are in one league and whoever ends up in first place in the standings ("top of the table" we say) is the champion. This season, my beloved Liverpool once again left me slightly disappointed with a 4th place finish. However, there are incentives to finish in various spots in the table. Second place (along with the champion) automatically qualify for the group stage of the Champions League, maybe the biggest tournament for clubs in the world. 3rd and 4th enter the qualifying stages of the Champions League, which means that they have to beat up on the 2nd place team from Latvia or something to get into the group stages. 5th place gets you a spot in the UEFA Cup, which is like the "not quite good enough for the Champions League" tournament. After that, the only spots that matter are 18-20 since the lowest three teams in the table are sent down (relegated) to the lower division (called the Championship). The top 3 championship teams are moved up into the Premier League. Next year, Stoke City and West Bromwich Albion will move into the premiership along with the winner of a 4-team playoff.

So, if I haven't yet lost you, here's a run-down of the last games of the Premier League season and why they matter. Pay close attention because even the league championship is yet to be decided.

Sunderland v. Arsenal, Tottenham v. Liverpool, and Middlesboro v. Manchester City won't have an effect on anything except pride and maybe a manager's job.

Birmingham vs. Blackburn. Blackburn have nothing to play for, but Birmingham needs a win along with a loss by Fulham and a loss/tie by Reading to avoid relegation. I recommend rooting for Blackburn not only because American Brad Friedel minds their net, but for another reason that I'll explain later.

Chelsea v. Bolton. Bolton are safe unless they lose by 4+ to Chelsea. Chelsea are tied for the league lead, but need to get more points (1 for tie, 3 for win) than ManU to win the title since ManU have a greater goal differential (goals scored minus goals given up)

Derby v. Reading. Derby sucks and are going to be relegated no matter what. That sucks for the two Americans (Eddie Lewis and Benny Failhaber) on their roster. Reading (another American keeper here - Marcus Hanneman) need a win and a Fulham loss to stay in the Premiership.

Portsmouth v. Fulham. Portsmouth have nothing to play for. Fulham can stay in the league with a win or losses by both Reading and Birmingham. This is my #1 game for the weekend since 5 Americans play for Fulham (Brian McBride, Kasey Keller, Carlos Bocanegra, Clint Dempsey, and Eddie Johnson).

West Ham United v. Aston Villa. If Villa win and Everton loses Villa will move into the UEFA Cup spot (5th place). As a Liverpool fan I have to hate Everton since they are our closest rival, but they also have American Tim Howard in goal so I want them to stay up. (F.Y.I. - there are four Americans playing keeper in the Premier League - all starters)

Wigan v. ManUre (get it - manure, like cow shit? cuz I fucking hate ManU. But not as much as Chelsea). ManU wins and they are champs. If they don't win, they need Chelsea to do the same or worse than them. I'll explain at the end.

Everton v. Newcastle. I'm not sure how Newcastle managed to stay up since they blew goats all year, but they did and this game doesn't matter for them. However, Everton need to at least tie or have Villa not win to keep their spot in the UEFA Cup, which will be good for Tim Howard and the U.S.

Got all that? OK. Here's what I hope happens in the race for the title. I hope ManU lose - big. Then, I want Chelsea to take a one-goal lead into the last part of the game, only to give up two and lose the title in the last 5-10 minutes. That way, those See You Next Tuesdays (think about it) at Chelsea don't get the title and ManU can't celebrate. I hate both of them.

ALL GAMES START AT 7AM!

Hooray for Friday

New Democratic Ad

Today's List - 4/19/08

1. The Galaxy season is underway. Things aren't looking good at the start, but there's signs of improvement.

2. Its 2008. We have cell phones that go on the internet and take pictures, cars that adjust the stereo and seats automatically for each user, and iPods smaller than a box of matches. How is this all possible, yet we have food riots?

3. An interesting article in today's L.A. Times: Cardinal Mahony of the L.A. Catholic Diocese is asking individual parishes to help cover $50 million of the total $720 million in settlements made with victims of sexual abuse by clergy. That sounds pretty ballsy to me.

4. FoxNews and MSNBC reported that Obama may have flipped off Hillary during a speech.



Two things: really?!?! and last I checked flipping a person off involved one finger - Obama used two to scratch his face. Must be a slow news day.

5. Pennsylvania primary is on Tuesday. I think Obama's got the nomination locked up, so I don't care that much about the result. However, it would be nice if he won so we could move on to the business of beating crazy McCain.

6. In case you weren't aware, the end of the Earth is near. You can read the article, but it talks about an atom smasher in Switzerland is closing in on its operating date. The hoped result? The first sighting of the Higgs particle (smaller than a quark, which is smaller than an atom). Another possible result? A black hole that will swallow the Earth.

7. I'm not sure anybody noticed, but the NBA playoffs start this weekend. The NBA playoffs are possibly the most drawn-out pointless event in the world. They make the Democratic nomination process look like an episode of Metalocalypse. At least in the nominating process the result matters. For example, the Lakers will play the Nuggets (we had a friend that called his balls his nuggets) tomorrow and the series goes until MAY 4th!! Two weeks for the first round? This sport is ridiculous. The NCAA tournament has 64 teams and they are done in less than a month.

8. Earth Day is coming. Recycle motherfuckers!

9. My Earth Day challenge to anyone who reads this: stop buying bottled water. Get a re-usable bottle and a Pur or Brita filter. Amanda and I have been doing this for a long time. REI has a wide selection of bottles. Water is a public resource and people are paying more for water than gas. Really. One gallon of gas goes for about $4. One 16-ounce bottle of water goes for about $1. It takes 8 of those bottles to make a gallon. $8/gallon for water?

10. My $10 wine recommendation of the month: 2006 Pascual Toso Malbec. This shit drinks like wines 3-4 times its price and its still young. We've put away two bottles and have three more waiting. Readily available at your local BevMo.

I Google'd "Transgender dancing Hillary Clinton lookalike midget"

Watch the whole thing

I'm not saying that I agree 100% with the way he presented the idea, but what does he say in this sermon that is so wrong?



I guess if you only play the "God damn America" quote it looks bad, but in context not as much.

Just sayin'

Today's List - 3/4/08

So I have been a bad blogger since I haven't posted in a while, but there are many lame excuses including the worst cold in the universe, too much school work, etc. Here are some things:

1. If you haven't been to this website yet you need to check it out: Stuff White People Like. I like 49/80, which makes me 61.25% authentic white. It nails us pretty good.

2. The candidates may be more or less decided upon after tonight. I'm not tired of elections so much as I am tired of listening to a certain candidate that is acting completely desperate.

3. If you want to see a really gross soccer injury go to YouTube and look up Eduardo. Double compound fracture.

4. Did my taxes and got back a good chunk of change. You still have 6 more weeks to figure it out. I used to like to do my taxes early and then wait until the last day and drive to the post office and wait in the car line and drop it off. Since then I have gotten over my need to feel part of society so I do them early and file online.

5. Pete texted me (he never actually calls people on the phone - just text) about a Last Starfighter sequel. I thought that he was mocking me, but it may actually be true and may feature the star of the original, Lance Guest. (FYI - I did not have to search for the name of the star of the original - Lance Guest is a regular topic of conversation in our home.)

6. Other movies in the works to be excited about: Thundercats (FYI - it'll be CGI, not live action), G.I. Joe (although the cast looks kind weak), and Indiana Jones.

7. Point Break Live. Who's in? In case you don't follow the link, its a theater version of the movie Point Break where Keanu Reeves's role of Johnny Utah is played by a member of the audience. Maybe get a few cocktails at Conrad's and then head downtown? That's what I'm talking about.

Sunday Fun-day

There are a few things that I want to get off my chest. Most involve politics, so if you are not interested this won't be fun for you.

1. As part of my complete technological overhaul I got a new cell phone. Its one of those giant Palm Treo deals. I got it because I wanted something that would also keep me organized. Since it has a scheduler function that beeps at me when I need to do things. However, it most impressed me when I discovered that I could sync it with my computer wirelessly through bluetooth. Shit is crazy man. I swear to god the robots are going to take over.

2. There have been a number of people that have asked me for recommendations on cheap wine. OK, it was one person, but I feel like I could provide this service for many readers. Here you go: Goats do Roam. $6-8 at Vons. Tons of flavor, good mouthfeel (not watery), and not too sweet. Big House Red: actually made by the Bonny Doon people who put out really good zinfandel. I know Pete has had this and I've seen others too. Good flavor, a little more on the sweet side, but not too much. Unknown wine: Trader Joe's is currently carrying this Spanish style blend that is really good. Its a mix of syrah, bobal, and tempranillo. $10 and they had a ton when I checked last. Trader Joe's also carries the Prosperity Red that I like a lot. None of these are "holy crap that is so fucking good", but they are good "bang for the buck" wines. There is one, Four Vines Zinfandel that I think is a pretty damn good bottle for $11-12. On the higher end, the Ravenswood Tedeschi Zinfandel has been getting rave reviews and is actually a value at $25-30 since its been scoring at the 94-95 range. Drop me an e-mail if you want more specific recommendations.

OK, that's it for the non-politics stuff.

3. John McCain is crazy. I could just refer to his singing "bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran" or him saying publicly that he hopes Fidel Castro gets to meet Marx really soon, but there is more to it than that. In the comments section of a previous post, I said that I was surprised to see my Texan friend Peter (as opposed to California Pete) say that he would consider voting for Hillary in the primaries because she would be "a slightly less worse president then Obama". He also said that McCain has not changed his mind on issues. First, the one thing that McCain has not changed his mind on is Iraq. I will 100% agree on that. Now, supporting Bush on Iraq is clearly not popular, but is also (in my view) not something that many people will want to vote for. However, here is a list of things that McCain has indeed changed his mind on:

A. In his 2000 campaign McCain called the confederate flag a "symbol of heritage". Why? He was afraid that he could not win the nomination without winning South Carolina. One person even said that this was an "act of political cowardice". Who was that person? John McCain himself.
B. In 2000 McCain called Jerry Falwell an "agent of intolerance" but he gave the 2006 commencement address at Falwell's Liberty University. Yes, the same Jerry Falwell who said that blame for the 9-11 attacks should be placed on Americans because we took God out of schools and allow abortions among other things.
C. In 2003, McCain said that ethanol wouldn't exist if it weren't for Congress. Once he was considering his run for 2008 he changed his mind. Amazingly, Tim Russert called him on it.
D. McCain was a co-sponsor of the DREAM Act, which allows the children of illegal immigrants to gain legal status once they graduate high school. Now? He opposes it. Weird, could it possibly be because he needs to win over conservative voters?
E. Bush's Tax Cuts. McCain in 2001: "I cannot in good conscience support a tax cut in which so many of the benefits go to the most fortunate among us at the expense of middle-class Americans who need tax relief". Today? In favor of Bush's tax cuts.
F. McCain on abortion in 1999: "in the short term, or even the long term, I would not support repeal of Roe v. Wade." McCain on abortion after being called on it by conservatives: "I share our common goal of reducing the staggering number of abortions currently performed in this country and overturning the Roe vs. Wade decision." Looks like he changed his mind.
So, as it turns out, McCain changes his mind on important issues quite a bit.

4. Hillary Clinton. I've already called the race for Obama and I think it will be more or less official come March 5th (day after Texas and Ohio primaries) However, I really want to say something about her campaign: it stinks. First, she pulls out the attack ads in South Carolina. Then she calls Obama a plagiarist for using, with permission and encouragement, two sentences from his friend and endorsers speech. However, her campaign would not say that they had never done the same thing. Finally, yesterday, she busted out the "shame on you Barack Obama" because he was sending out fliers that she said were not true. #1: They were pretty much true although they are designed a little bit deceptively. #2: These things have been out for 2 weeks now. Where was the "shame on you" then? Well, it was in a conference call where one of here supporters compared it to "having Nazis march through Skokie, Ill". A little overboard? Yes, especially since she sent out mailers in New Hampshire, Nevada, and Wisconsin that were not arguably false, but completely false. So I guess it should be "shame on you Hillary Clinton".

Bush is a dirty spy, Part 7

Decision '08

The Evil Twin of William Jennings Bryan has looked at the numbers and we are able to make a call in the race for the Democratic nomination for President:

I'm not just being a dick about this either. According to the numbers, there is very little chance that Hillary can catch Obama. Here's why: Obama currently leads in the pledged delegate (not superdelegate) count by a little more than 120 or so delegates. Not an insurmountable lead - or is it? This idea makes several assumptions: First, there are certain states (i.e. Wisconsin) that Obama is likely going to win. Second, there are states that Hillary is likely to win (i.e. Texas and Ohio). If we assume that Obama wins by no more than 10% in the states that he is likely to win than it Hillary would need more than 60% of the vote in both Texas and Ohio - a feat that current trends show is not probable. (look about 2/3 of the way down to see the numbers)

OK, granted, I am being a little presumptuous, but things are looking pretty good.

Today's List - 2/11/08

1. Happy Birthday Mom!! (She's way younger than you think for having twin sons that are 30. I had the unfortunate pleasure of hearing that we were "too much wine at Thanksgiving" babies.) In any case, I will be bringing presents to the 909 this weekend.

2. This is my first post on my new computer.
2.1 I got a Mac Mini. We are now a 1/2 Mac and 1/2 PC household
2.2 I'm digging the mac, especially now that it has the "mighty mouse" which has a left and right click.
2.3 It doesn't have solitaire. That makes me sad.
2.4 It does have chess. However, when I make superior, yet confusing, moves it just stops playing. No check mate, just freezes.
2.5 The keyboard is way space-age.
2.6 When at the Apple Store I looked at the "Air" and its really thin.
2.7 Its nice to have a computer at home that works so the wife can take hers to school. So really its more like a gift for her, which means I'm off the hook for Valentine's Day.

3. Things are looking pretty good for Obama. There should be a couple more victories tomorrow night.

4. Remember that really cool Obama video? If not, go here. Here is a funny one about McCain.



Cheap shot? Whatever. The guy is bonkers.

5. Best album Grammy went to Herbie Hancock. Only 2nd jazz artist to win the award.

6. The Clinton camp was offended by the MSNBC person that said that they were "pimping out" Chelsea. Today she had breakfast with a 21 year-old superdelegate from Wisconsin. She may not be trading sex for votes (and I emphasize may), but pimping seems like the right term for it.

7. I left the TV in the other room on ABC when I came in here. Now I am hearing what I believe is Miami Sound Machine which leads me to believe that there is some sort of reality dance competition on... just checked and confirmed. Dance War. Turned it to American Gladiators for Pete.

8. Before Pete makes any comments like "Whatever Jeff, I know you were watching Dance War" I want to remind him that he was watching a dog show.

9. Went to Ruth's Chris the other night. That shit is good.

Today's Short List - Super Tuesday

1. Go vote. People all over the world kill and are killed over voting. You don't have to do either so there's really no excuse. Polls are open at 7am and should remain open until 8pm.

2. I think its clear who I am voting for, which means this is a very nervous day for me. I don't completely buy into polls, but all of them are showing tremendous gains for Obama in all states and in the head-to-heads. Either way, I don't think the Democrats will have a candidate picked tonight. The Republicans might though. Here's a hint: he's fucking nuts.

3. U.S. vs. Mexico tomorrow night at 6pm. Pasadena locals whould head to Lucky Baldwin's if you want to experience a good soccer environment. That's where I'll be. Prediction is easy: 2-0 to the U.S. as usual.

4. I am approaching visitor #9,000. Disturbing. I usually offer up a prize for landmark visitors and then never actually give the prize. This time I will do the same.

Today's List - Super Bowl Sunday

1. My Super Bowl prediction wasn't too far off. Although I picked the Pats to win I did say that the Giants would cover (they won so that counts) and I called the under on the over/under. Also, I predicted that it would be an ungodly boring game, which it was until the 4th quarter. It was close all game, but it got pretty slow in the middle.

2. My cousin commented on the previous post about a package that was sent to me. Here are the contents of said mysterious package: various jerkies, all in small ziploc sandwich bags, labeled on blue masking tape: beef (made in Brady), buffalo, turkey, and young fawn venison. If you are ever looking for a random Labor Day trip, check out the World Championship BBQ Goat cook-off in Brady, Texas - where my uncle and cousin live. Its honestly a good time and I have never seen more Coors Light consumed in my entire life.

3. This video has been burning up the net for the last day or two. It features the speech that Barack Obama gave after the New Hampshire primaries. It was created by will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas.



Now, I know that there are many that would call this corny, but I think that those who consider it corny may not be used to the idea that our leaders don't just have to be talking heads full of policies and statistics. They used to give us hope. Lincoln, FDR, JFK, and even Reagan. Why mention Reagan? Because even many right-wing blogs are reacting positively to this video. I may not care for many of Reagan's policies, but I still get chills when I hear his speech honoring the crew of the Challenger. I'm constantly getting more and more excited about the possibilities that this election is bringing.

4. We start a new semester on Tuesday, which means I start teaching Econ again. It has become my favorite subject to teach. This year I am going to do a lot of work talking about Economics and the environment. I'm pretty amped about it.

5. I generally get pretty excited about World Cup, Champions League, and even the Olympics when it comes to soccer tournaments. Well, I am beginning to get excited for another tournament, as are soccer fans all over the world - the African Cup of Nations. There were tons of exciting games in the group stages and the two big favorites (in my view) - Ghana and Ivory Coast, have already booked their spot in the semis. Cameroon's Samuel Eto'o, who also stars for FC Barcelona in Spain, is the tournament's leading scorer. Africa may soon be producing national teams completely capable of winning a world cup. Its not there yet, but they are certainly producing a buttload of major world stars.

6. Super Tuesday is coming. You should go vote. Normally I would create some form of voter's guide on the propositions, but I'm too busy to do that. My brief synopsis: Prop 91 is moot so vote NO. 92 looks pretty good so I'm voting yes, and then a big NO on 93. It sounds OK on the surface, but its really a big sham created by members of the state legislature to allow them to keep their jobs longer through a loophole. Most of the sponsors of the bill are scheduled to be removed soon through term limits and this law would let them stay longer. I call bullshit. I am also voting NO on 94-97 simply because I think we can get a better deal and that this bill gives the tribes tons of room to manipulate how the fees they pay us are determined. However, its more money than we are getting now so I could see someone voting YES with the thought that its OK for now.

This speaks for itself I think

26

Today's List - 1/29

1. It looks like Giuliani may drop out if he doesn't win in Florida tonight. I don't think he will win, so that's one more jerk candidate out of the running. However, its kind of scary because Itchy-trigger-finger McCain is looking pretty strong. I'm glad I'm not Republican - how do you chose between crazy McCain and fake Romney.

2. Both Clinton and Obama really want an endorsement from Bill Richardson. He said that if he is going to endorse a candidate it will likely be by the end of the week and that "it's going to be a gut feeling. It's not going to be about statistics, about past ties." In the same article he tells a story about one of the debates where he stopped listening when a question was directed at another candidate, sort of taking a mental break, when the moderator directed the same question to him "So, Gov. Richardson, what do you think of that?" As he desperately looked for a clue before asking the mod to repeat the question Barack Obama went "Katrina, Katrina" saving Richardson's ass a bit. After what Billary has done in the campaign over the last few weeks do you think she would have helped or fed him to the wolves. I'm going with choice B. So I'm thinking that his "gut" might just tell him that Obama is the way to go.

3. I also think that, although Richardson barely got a word in during his last few debates he was trying to maintain some level of civility - another reason why I think he might choose Obama if anybody.

4. I also think he should choose wisely since I am hoping that he is on the top of the shortlist for VP possibilities. Imagine a VP with some actual positive international experience.

5. Bush did a good job highlighting his presidency last night: an economy crashing under the weight of lenders screwing over poor borrowers and nearly a trillion spent on a war started for false reasons, a Damoclean education program with lofty goals and no funding to back it, and the reputation of an imperialist internationally.

6. My pick for the Super Bowl? OK, its easy to pick the Patriots, but I will also say that the Giants will cover the 13-point spread and that betters should go with the "under" in the over/under, which I think is sitting at around 53 or so. I'm thinking 27-17 in an ungodly boring game.

7. It looks like the Galaxy will pick up another somewhat well-known European player. Celestine Babayaro played for 7 years or so for Chelsea and was last at Newcastle before being waved due to injury issues. If he becomes consistently healthy he will be part of a very solid backline with Abel Xavier, Ty Harden(maybe?), and an undetermined 3rd defender.

8. The proposed tax refund should get most people around $600 and couples around $1200. If you're getting that money, what would you do with it? I more or less spent it on a new Mac Mini that I haven't technically bought yet.

Today's List - 1/25

1. FYI: Its raining. A lot. That means you need to take it a little easy on the freeway. I saw one accident happen and 3 that had already happened on the freeway on the way to work today. I'm looking at you Mercedes and BMW drivers.

2. Since Derrick asked I will answer: Yeah, I think it sucks that there were a million people waiting to snap a photo of a bodybag with dead Heath Ledger. And I think the coverage of him, Britney Spears, Anna Nicole, et al goes way overboard. I don't blame the paparazzi though. They are doing a job, albeit a sleazy job, but they are only meeting the public's demand for that kind of shit.

3. Wow. Obama absolutely thrashed Hillary in South Carolina. I'm waiting to see if this changes some of the polls in other states. She needed to get her ass handed to her after the dirty campaign that she has been running. Bill needs to get his nuts put in the grinder as well. That whole week before the primaries shows exactly why I don't like her - she doesn't care about what is right, she only cares about what will get her success. Both of those douchebag Clintons should be ashamed of what they are doing. Slate's John Dickerson has a good article about it.

4. I went to Wal-Mart yesterday. No, I did not buy anything. I was only the driver on the trip and I felt like I should let my sister-in-law go where she wanted since it was her daughter in the hospital that brought me back to the 909 yesterday. In any case, that place is quite possibly the closest I will ever get to hell on Earth. Its dirty, crowded, unorganized, and I can't look at the employees without feeling the deepest sympathy for them. I see the t-shirt for $6 and know that it only needs to be $7 in order for the company to pay their employees fair wages and get them some kind of insurance.

5. I feel so much better about the universe today. I have in the past written about my students' poor taste in movies. This weekend many of them went to see "Meet the Spartans" and the majority said that they walked out during the movie and snuck into Rambo. I don't condone theater hopping, but I'm impressed with their decision.

6. On a hypocritical note - has anyone done the theater-hopping thing before. I don't mean buying tickets to one show and going to a different one. I mean you buy for one movie, watch that movie, then sneak into another theater for another movie. I think I might check that out one of these days, maybe check out 3 movies in one day. The problem is that I'm not sure if there will ever be 3 movies in theaters that I want to see at the same time.

7. Read this on a website that I can't find again: "Wolf [from American Gladiators] is the new Chuck Norris". Blasphemy.

I want to do that, but I can't because...I know

So there is a certain actor that is allegedly crazy, we'll call him Com Truise. He did an interview about a certain religion that I will call Tienscology. Its really funny. So funny that the Tienscologists had it pulled from YouTube, but not this site. Check it out before they pull this one.

"We have to go around the world with a tambourine and a tin cup."

Today's List - 1/17/08

1. The quote in the title is by Ross Perot. Remember him? Ran for President in '92 as the Reform Party candidate? Big Ears? Well, he said this in reference to the current economy and the practice by large banks of borrowing money from foreign countries. Also talks a lot of shit about McCain. Kind of a funny article.

2. (got this from Lauri). Did you know that there is a person suing the government for 3 quadrillion dollars. Here it is in all its glory: 3,000,000,000,000,000. That's a lot of zeros. There are actually almost 500,000 claims filed against the government for its failure to build good levees to protect New Orleans. One lawyer who represents a bunch of Katrina victims says that a lot of the suits are being filed just to make a point. I think there is a difference between making a point and making an ass out of yourself.

3. I want to give tons of recognition to Jamie Carragher. Most of you don't know who he is, but this week he played his 500th game for Liverpool. What makes this story better is that Liverpool is his hometown team that he supported as a kid and he has never played, nor likely will ever play, for any other team. That's pretty rare in sports these days.

4. Should I explain the Flying Space Monkey vs. Orangutan battle? Maybe, but I think a lot of the blame rests squarely on Lauri's shoulders.

5. Another funny quote from the Ross Perot article. Well, not so much a quote as it is a bumper-sticker that he got in the mail. "Monica Lewinsky's ex-boyfriend's wife for Pres."

6. If you haven't checked out The Onion recently you should think about it.

7. Who is going to check out Cloverfield? I'm getting tempted and may break down and see it this weekend.

8. Speaking of this weekend: U.S. vs. Sweden at the Home Depot Center Saturday evening. I may have two extra tickets and a few extra beers in the cooler. Let me know.

Dates to take note of

January 28th: Bush's last State of the Union Address. Drinks that night? Concensus says yes. (Read that phrase again. LAST State of the Union address.)

February 5th: Super Tuesday. Tons of primaries and caucuses. Candidates should be decided that night. The League of Space Monkey Voters is hosting a results watching gathering. We extend an invitation to our orangutan brothers in an effort to unite under the hopes for a good Democratic candidate. The show starts when you show up - but maybe not until after 5:00. The CA results should start rolling in at 8:00.

Resolutions

Every year I make the same lame-ass resolutions and break them by Martin Luther King Day, which is next week. I always say that I'm going to read more and watch less TV, then they put awesome shows on the air like American Gladiators, Ghost Hunters, Deadliest Catch, The Office, etc. I always say that I will work out more and lose some weight, but then In N' Out stays open and beer continues to be legal. I swear that I will do a better job keeping things clean and organized and then I break the other two amendments again.

Well this year I'm not only renewing all of those resolutions, but I am taking on a new one that I think everyone reading this should take on as well. I am going to be more green. It will be easy since Amanda has bought into the idea as well (thanks to Oprah, who always tells Amanda what to do). My challenge to all who read this is to be more green as well. Here are some of the ways that I am changing my lifestyle to be more environmentally friendly:

No more plastic or paper grocery bags. We already take re-usable bags to Trader Joe's. In fact, Amanda and I both have a set of three in our cars so either of us can do the shopping. How easy is it? The bags cost 99-cents at Trader Joe's and when you use them they enter you into a drawing for a $25 gift card. I know other places carry them as well. Americans go through an unreal amount of grocery bags and the plastic ones just sit in landfills forever or end up in the ocean. The paper ones just kill more trees.

High Efficiency bulbs. Pete and Lauri inspired me to take this one more seriously. I bought a package of these more than a year ago at Costco, but they weren't bright enough. Well, there are CFL bulbs out these days that have the same output as 100-watt incandescents. Yes, they cost more, but they are getting cheaper and they last forever and they supposedly have an effect on your electricity bill. By the end of January I will replace all of my old bulbs with CFL bulbs. Except the chandelier, which has small bulbs. I will replace those when I find small CFLs.

Use less paper products. We use way too many paper towels and paper napkins. We have more-or-less ditched the use of paper plates, but napkins are a great convenience. Our goal is to use more cloth napkins when eating, use sponges that can be re-used to wipe down counters, and cloth towels whenever possible.

Take shorter showers. This is easier said than done on cold winter mornings, but your water heater is one of the top 3 users of energy in your home. Plus, it looks like water shortages may be an issue in the years to come.

Unplug things that are not being used. Even when your appliances are turned off they are using power. We have started unplugging things like the toaster and coffee maker when we are not using them. An alternative would be to buy "smart strips" which are power strips that cut off all power to the appliances with the flip of a switch. I may not invest in these yet, but we are working on unplugging things.

I know that there are many more things that we can do to be more green, save energy, etc. I have already decided that my next car will be a hybrid. When we get a house we will look into solar panels. My feeling is that as "green living" becomes more popular companies will be more willing to produce more green products in large numbers, thus reducing their prices. In fact, you can already see this with the CFL bulbs.

What drove me to this resolution? Lots of things. I think that there are only a few foolish people left that are still doubting global warming - mostly because they have a lot to lose by doing so. I want to help with that problem. Also, I think that we have become so dependent on oil as an energy resource that we are held hostage by the price of a barrel and the countries that provide the oil we use. If we can transfer our dependence to more renewable sources (some of which are free like wind and the sun) then we won't need to keep feeding these sometimes sketchy oil barons. Global warming is not our only environmental problem despite its prevalence in the press. We are dumping tons of trash into the environment, especially the oceans. To see what got my attention on this issue check out the special that the L.A. Times ran last year about the oceans.

Again, I hope that many of you reading will also take up the challenge to be more green and get the people around you to do the same.

And don't vote Republican - that will help as well.

Sitting in a dark band room with Bagger Vance

That's literally what I am doing right now. The band teacher is out and they couldn't get a real sub for him so I am sitting here in the dark band room while the students watch "Legend of Bagger Vance". What does that movie have to do with band? I don't know but that's what the teacher left for them. So, to fill the time, I am going to rant a bit.

First, have you realized that we are going to elect a new president this year?!? Nice. For me, I am almost as excited about the process of electing that new president as I am about the fact that we won't have Bush anymore. I'm pretty sure that most of you know that I am a pretty serious Obama supporter and I'm also pretty excited that there are a lot of people around me that I am jumping on board. Having said that, I want to give my view about where I think this thing is going.

Republicans: I guess its obvious that its down to Giuliani, McCain, Huckabee, and Romney. Let's get serious though. I think Rudy is done. 6th and 4th in the two big state contests doesn't spell victory. Also, I'm not sure he's "America's Mayor" anymore. My real surprise is still how any true Republican can take this guy seriously when he has so many liberal views on issues like abortion. In the end, I don't think Americans still believe in the politics of fear and 9-11 is still Giuliani's calling card. I also don't see much of a shot for Huckabee, but that's more of a hunch than a real theory based on polls or anything. That leaves McCain and Romney. Yesterday, Romney decided to shed a few tears of his own when talking about his father. Maybe they were legit and maybe he wanted to use the Hillary crying tactic. Either way people will see it as fake and that doesn't go well. Somehow Republicans are also ignoring the fact that McCain is crazy and should not be elected president. However, I don't really have a real opinion about who I think will win. I do think that Democrats are rooting for McCain because any debate between McCain and any Democrat ends with the fact that McCain still supports the war in Iraq.

Democrats: Unless something crazy happens in the next week its really down to Clinton and Obama. She won't be able to use the tears again, so that card is out. I'm also wondering how she feels legitimate using the desire for change as the basis for her campaign. Obama went with that back when he wrote his book. Now everyone is running with it. Also, I am still trying to figure out where her 35 years experience is. Obama is often called the inexperienced candidate, but he doesn't have that much less experience than Clinton. Also, he is really the only candidate that seems like he is really speaking honestly. The others seem scripted. I think it will come down to Obama's ability to motivate people and those people will be the ones that give him the nomination after Super Tuesday (February 5th).

That's my very disorganized view of the elections as they stand. I am signing off because the bell is going to ring and I hate the band room.

A new level of nerd-dom

Today I became a Level 3 Answerer at Yahoo! Answers. Here is the answer that put me over the top. I am also proud that 25% of my answers have been picked as the best answer. Proud in a very nerdy way.

2008 Post #1

Check out the new Giuliani ad:



In other words - for for him or you will die.

Nice message.

Here's Obama's speech from Iowa last night (its pretty long - 13 minutes). He won the Democratic caucus, Giuliani got 6th in his.



That one is just a little more positive.

Mao-y Christmas

Have a Happy Christmas. Don't forget that Boxing Day (Dec. 26th) features English Premier League matches from 4:45am until 2pm.

Christmas message

One more bitch about Christmas

There is just one other thing about Christmas that drives me absolutely fucking nuts. People - do you really need 800 giant inflatable Christmas decorations on your lawn? Look, I know that the people in the 909 think that these things are classy. They're not. They're not even creative or unique. OK, I'll let the 909ers get away with one, but the rest of you have no excuse. I mean, do you really need the snowglobe AND Santa AND the Grinch AND Winnie the Pooh AND Rudolph AND a Christmas Tree? Did you walk into Home Depot and say "Give me one of every inflatable decoration that you carry"? I bet you did. Douche.

Where Christmas went wrong

I'm a big fan of Christmas on many levels. As a Christian I like the idea of re-birth and the start of second chances and all that. As human I like the tendency of people to be a little nicer during the holidays. However, its clear to me that somewhere we decided to follow the dark path of obsessing over gift-giving instead of the focus on good-naturedness. How did this happen? Eartha Kitt. You heard me. Eartha "Santa Baby" Kitt. In 1954 she recorded the now classic Christmas song "Santa Baby" in which she sings to Santa in hopes of getting a bunch of expensive shit for Christmas. So I've decided to go through the lyrics of the song as a way to vent my anger against the commercialization this Christmas.


Santa baby, just slip a sable under the tree, for me
OK, have you seen a sable? They're kinda cute, but this bitch wants you to kill a couple dozen to keep her warm.
Been an awful good girl
Santa baby so hurry down the chimney tonight
What? Wait like the rest of us bitch. He's got a whole world to get to and you want him to hurry to your triflin' ass!?

Santa baby, a '54 convertible too, light blue,
You can't just accept a free fucking car - you have to get all picky?!
I'll wait up for you dear
Now you'll wait?
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
Nevermind - I guess he should skip all of the children and hit you up first you greedy tramp

Think of all the fun I've missed,
I have a feeling you haven't missed that much fun slut
Think of all the fellows that I haven't kissed
You didn't kiss them on the mouth but I bet you kissed something whore
Next year I could be just as good
If you check off my Christmas list
See!?! She'll only be good if you give her a bunch of shit! Why not be good for the sake of being good. Oh, that's right. You're a filthy hooker

Santa baby, I want a yacht and really that's not a lot
If its not a lot why don't you buy it with all the money you get giving $2 blowjobs in subway bathrooms
Been an angel all year
That's not what the starting line-up for the Detroit Pistons said
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
Holy Shit! He gets the point. He'll get there you gold-digging mattress jockey.

Santa honey, one little thing I really need, the deed
To a platinum mine,
OK, so you won't life a finger to get your own car but you'll somehow figure out how to get something from a platinum mine!?! Give me a break. What the fuck are you going to do with a platinum mine!?!
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry before you jump on the next guy in line doorknob?

Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex and cheques,
Real Estate is actually a pretty smart decision, but can't you just take the checks that will come from the rent you charge? Nope, you need your greed fulfilled right now and with as little of your own effort as possible.
Sign your x on the line
on the contract giving up your soul... and your balls
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight
How many times have we seen the hot slutty chick get all flirtatious with the old fat guy to get what she wants? I guess you've taken a page from Anna Nicole's book.

Come and trim my Christmas tree,
Now that's what I'm talking about... a little "trimmin' the tree" for Santa!
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's
Nevermind... cocktease
I really do believe in you,
Let's see if you believe in me
because its hard to believe that there are greedy skank bitches out there that will take advantage of horny fat dudes

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring,
You didn't forget, you just wanted to wait until he brought you all that other shit with the expectation of getting some ass and then you lay another demand on him hooker.
I don't mean on the phone,
Of course you don't a phone call doesn't cost enough
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry, tonight.
You better hurry and get ready to let Santa into your chimney and I don't mean the one made of bricks.

That made me feel better.

Today's List 12/11

I've been pretty busy lately with work stuff so I beg your forgiveness for the lack of posts. I have several things to mention so I put them in a list.

1. Pete wants to know what a caucus is. Briefly, people meet according to their district/precinct and talk about the issues. In the case of the presidential election, they talk about the candidates and there is usually 1-2 people that make general statements about each candidate. I think the two parties do things differently, but what it comes down to is they don't vote individually for a candidate, but either choose one of the people present to attend the state convention OR take an unofficial vote on scratch paper and send their single decision to the state party. That's the extent of my knowledge, but I'm sure there's a Wikipedia entry for it. Either way I think its retarded.

2. Peter (from Pete the Elder) loves Giuliani. He had a rough time last week (maybe the week before?) which included getting caught paying for trips to cheat on his wife with city money and the discovery that his company runs security (or something like that) for some guy that helped hide/protect Osama Bin Laden. Added to his cop friend getting busted and the fact that he's an ass and you wonder why he's a leading candidate. Oh wait, I remember why - the rest of the candidates are even bigger ass-clowns. (Note: outside of his intensely evangelical beliefs I actually think Hukabee is their most reasonable candidate)

3. I took 15 of my students today to a breakfast with the State Superintendent of Public Instruction. After his speech one of my students asked him why he always blames teachers for problems at schools. He didn't really know what to say and completely dodged the question. Turns out he's looking to run for governor.

4. Do people actually watch NBA Basketball?

5. I forgot how awesome Big Trouble in Little China is. Thanks for bringing that back Pete.

6. I kick ass at Wheel of Fortune, but I fucking hate watching it.

7. I'm going to start playing the lottery. I figure I throw away $1 here and there anyways so why not.

8. Here's the future:



Plasticware made from corn. It has been around for a while, but its becoming relatively cheaper since regular plastic is made using petroleum.

9. I chaperoned a trip Saturday to the Environmental Youth Conference with some students from my school. Not only did I get to see Fez and Tyrese (who I guess is in Transformers), but I got to talk to a lot of people about new projects looking to help the environment - including corn plastic. In fact, the City of Los Angeles is looking to be a "Zero Waste" city within the next 15-20 years or so.

10. I've you've never read anything by Nick Hornby you should. I just read "Long Way Down" and really enjoyed it. His memoir, Fever Pitch, was the basis of the lame-ass movie with Drew Barrymore and that one guy from Saturday Night Live. However, in his memoir he is not an obsessive Red Sox fan, but an obsessive Arsenal fan.

11. I'll admit it. I frequently listen to KOST since they are on the all-Christmas-music-all-the-time thing.

Disturbing images

Three times in the last few days my eyes were assaulted by visions that no man should be confronted with.

First, my brother sent me a picture/text message with the title "Want to see what it looks like when a baby poops for the first time in 4 days?" and a picture of the world's largest pile of shit.

Then, I came across a homeless guy in front of a coffee shop in downtown L.A. as I walked from a train station to the place where I had a two-day conference on "Shared Inquiry". After asking me to buy him coffee and food he showed me the sores on his legs that came from sleeping in some god-knows-where filthy place.

Finally, as if I needed to see more, I walked in on two guys having sex in a bathroom in a Carl's Jr. I went into the Macy's Plaza as I was walking back to the train station after the meeting so I could take a leak. Carl's Jr. (which sold beer by the way) was the closest bathroom so I went to use it, but it had one of those coin deals so only customers could use it. Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately in my case) it was actually open. It seemed weird when I walked in because there seemed to be more than one set of feet in the stall. I couldn't hear anything because I was listening to my iPod. I stepped to the urinal, took a leak and began to leave, but I heard weird sounds. I turned, and not only could I clearly see two sets of feet facing the same direction, but through the crack in the door I could see a guy's face at waist level (since he was bending over) and he was clearly grimacing as if...well, you get the point. I turned and got out of there as quick as possible.

Who knew that Carl's Jr. brought that kind of romance?

Why the hell did you do that?

Have you ever wanted to ask someone why they did something stupid? I feel like most of the time that question goes unanswered purely for the sake of being tactful. I say fuck that. Here are some questions I would like to ask people for honest answers to:

William H. Macy - you are a great actor, why the fuck did you agree to be in Wild Hogs?
Samuel L. Jackson - Were you fucking high when you agreed to be in "The Man"?
George Lucas - JarJar Binks? C'mon. Who has pictures of you blowing a goat that could blackmail you into that decision?
John Kerry: I know that you're kind of a tool, but why did you have to be such a pussy and back down from those SwiftBoat guys? Shit, why did you even go with the Vietnam war hero bit in the first place?
Zach DeLaRocha: Was Rage not popular enough for you? Why'd you break the band up?

That's just a few that were brewing in my head today.

Gimme some of yours please.

What not to buy a guy for Christmas

I frequently complain about how quickly stores turn to their Christmas decorations, but I also think that once Thanksgiving is gone then its all fair game. So I was thinking about the lame-ass Christmas presents that I have received over the years and want to pass along some info to gift buyers before they make the same mistakes that many well-intentioned gift givers made in buying me gifts. I will also give you alternative ideas similar to the bad one. Please don't give me the "its the thought that counts you greedy bastard" argument because I am simply looking out for the gift giver so you don't look like a douche on Christmas Day.

1. Beers of the World Gift Pack: I know what people are thinking when they buy this for a guy they know. "They like beer and this has all kinds of unique beers from all over the world. Here's the thing about the beers that come in these packs. #1: They usually aren't that unique. #2 They are in that pack because they are not good enough to stand on their own. #3 There is ALWAYS one beer in that pack that is completely nasty. ALTERNATIVE: Find out what their favorite beer is and get them a 6-pack or case of that. Even better, go to your local BevMo and pick out some beers on your own that you think look interesting. My brother did this for me a few years ago and I drank every one of them and enjoyed them.

2. Clothes: Guys buy their own clothes and don't want to be told that they buy crappy or ugly clothes. So don't think that buying them a few nice things will make them happy. EXCEPTIONS: anything sports related - like the jersey of their favorite team. You may also get away with buying a funny t-shirt like this one. ALTERNATIVE: if you really want to buy clothes get them something useful like a hoodie, jacket, or sports-related item.

3. Dance lessons: I don't think I have to explain this, but if the guy doesn't like to dance then he probably doesn't want dance lessons. Most of you know why I am saying this.

4. That thing that you think will help him be a better person: OK, so this goes back to the dance lessons gift that I got one year, but it serves well as its own category. I know someone (can't remember who) that got a book from an aunt or something about how to find the perfect job. At the time he was always moving from shitty job to shitty job. What did this gift accomplish? It reminded him, on Christmas Day, that his life was going nowhere.
ALTERNATIVE: a bottle of gin because that will make him a better person and he can enjoy it.

5. Something that you think he will find useful: Chances are, if a guy needs something useful - like a buck knife, maglite, etc. - he probably already has it. ALTERNATIVE: Tools or gift card to buy tools. Guys always need tools.

The fact of the matter is guys are easy to buy gifts for. We like booze, action movies, adult cartoons (Family Guy, Simpsons, Aqua Teen), tools, ninjas, and things used to blow stuff up with.