America...love it or leave it

That's maybe my favorite lame catch phrase used in uber-conservative arguments. It might be second to "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve". Either way, if you use these slogans you are a moron. In any case, here are some thoughts for your 4th of July.

In the story of the year, a school in New Jersey went into lockdown for 30 minutes because a student saw a ninja in the woods. There are two problems with this story. First, you would never see the ninja sneaking up on you. Second, a locked school door would never stop a ninja.

A great American hero, Jesse Helms, died this morning. Of course, he was only a great American hero to racists, homophobes, and the tobacco industry - but whose counting?

Spain deservedly won Euro 2004. I placed 66th out of what appears to be about 70,000 people who entered ESPN's Euro Pick 'em competition. I'm awesome.

Maybe they found the big chink in Obama's armor: FISA. I'm not terribly happy about this. On a positive note, I don't think McCain can say much about it.

How do you rescue 16 hostages from a guerrilla army that has been fighting the government for 40 years? You tell them that you are one of them, land a helicopter, and take the hostages to freedom. Sounds pretty lame, but it worked in Colombia. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall at the FARC meeting when these idiots had to explain the story to their leader.

The American Family Association is telling people to boycott McDonald's because they promote the gay agenda. No joke.