BONUS!! More douchebags

First, here is a funny article about these worms that some Australian scientists found that are hermaphrodites. That's not so funny or unusual. What is funny is that they reproduce by having a penis fight. The winner "gets it in" the other worm first and the loser gets to be pregnant.

In my pursuit to post more often I present these douchebags for your consideration:

Here are the nominees (many political):

Stupid Americans: Quick! Name the Prime Minister of Britain. Now tell me the name of Homer's (not Simpson) two epic poems. OK, tell me what planet is closest to the sun. Three branches of the U.S. government? The most recent justice named to the Supreme Court. If you had trouble with any of those, then you are an average American. In the survey discussed in this article, only 1/2 of Americans could name Tony Blair, but 57% could name Harry Potter as J.K. Rowling's book wizard. Couldn't name "The Odyssey" and "The Iliad" as Homer's poems? Well, only 20.5 % surveyed could, so you're in the majority although 60% of American's could name Homer's son Bart. For the rest of the answers, read the article. Are we that stupid? (Although I am kind of impressed that 50% could name Tony Blair).

Cynthia McKinney: You may remember this nutbar from her attack on Capitol Hill police that wanted to see her ID. Well, the good Democrats of Georgia decided to not nominate her to get her seat back. What could be the reason for her defeat? Maybe the fact that she made an ass of herself in the news and pulled the race card to cover. Nope. She says that it was electronic voting and open primaries. She warns voters that these electronic voting machines only lead to corruption and prevent an African-American from winning any election because...what? OH, well it turns out she lost the primary to a fellow African-American. D'oh! Open primaries are when any member of any party can vote for a candidate in whichever party they choose in a primary, meaning a Republican could vote in the Democratic primary instead of the Republican. My feeling is that Republicans would have loved for this ass-clown to win. Its like choosing to play Moldova instead of Brazil in the World Cup. She needs to go away.

The Claustrophobic Lady: If you are afraid of small places why in the hell would you ever get on an airplane? Well, this lady did, went nuts, and caused a plane going from London to D.C. to divert to Boston. Didn't she ever see the A-Team? B.A. was so afraid of airplanes that they always had to drug his milk to get him to pass out so they could fly. That's what this lady needs. I'm sure none of the other people on the plane were pissed.

Some guy at NASA: So NASA wants to take the original tape of the moon landings and make them sharper. They call the guy in charge and he can't find them. How the fuck do you lose that tape!?! I lost my VHS copy of Swingers somewhere, but now I have it on DVD so its OK, but if it were the only copy in the world I'm sure I would have kept better track of it.

Poachers: (This is an unofficial nomination from Pete at Life Outside the Rat Race). Have you ever seen a West African Black Rhino? Well, you lost your chance because it seems that they are extinct. That's right, no more exist. How does this still happen in 2006? Well, it turns out that their horns can fetch as much as $50,000 on the black market (mostly Asia?) in medicine. Things don't look much better for the Northern Africa White Rhino as there aren't too many of those left. How many? 1,000? 100? 10? Nope. They could only find 4. How the fuck are there only four of one thing in the world?!? There are more than 4 people in my family! Someone needs to take one of these black market horns and shove it up the ass of every poacher they find. I hate to make comedy of this tragedy, but it really comes from anger.

Kevin Holder: One of yesterday's nominees amazed me by getting 70 tickets for speeding. Mr. Holder tops that record. He has been arrested 226 times. That's dedication to his craft. He really should be jailed for life to protect himself. How does he avoid a life term? Only felonies count for the state's 3-strikes rule.

Some really dumb Brazilian guy: So the story believes that this guy was a scrap-metal scavenger who had come across some rocket-propelled grenades. Now, what is the best way to open a live RPG to get out the metal? Well, this guy seemed to think a sledgehammer was his best option. Needless to say, he blew up.

Our "winner":
Sen. George Allen: The Virginia Senator was going after one of the volunteer's for his opponent and started calling him "macaca" which is basically a racial slur (like macaque - a type of monkey) that is more common in France. Allen speaks French. D'oh! It gets better. His first excuse? Its not a real word, I just made it up. Except you speak French and your mother is French Tunisian. Excuse #2? We call him mohawk, I messed it up. Yeah, they sound alike. And he said it twice. Next? Today's excuse was that it was a combination of "mohawk" and "caca" thus calling him a shithead. Here's the reality. Allen used to keep a Confederate flag in his office - with a noose next to it, he opposed a state recognition of Martin Luther King Day, and wanted a Confederate History Month. Nice try douchebag.
(Note: a lot of this material on George Allen comes from The Carpetbagger Report. Go read, its funny.)