Douchebag of the Week 8/15/06

First, here is a couple of the douchebags that I had stored up for the last month or so that are now too old to ethically use.

Man gets killed by lions. Why does this make him a douchebag? Because he climbed into the lion exhibit claiming that if God existed, God would protect him from the lions. Well, at least he knows for sure now.

Woman attacks dog breeder. I would be pissed too if the dog that I just bought died. However, this lady got into a fight with the breeder and began hitting her with the dead dog. I'm really trying to find a good pun for this one, but I'm drawing a blank.

My official nominees:

Google. As we all now know, Google is more than a website, it is also a verb. Yes, it is in the Webster's Dictionary. It now falls into the same category (sort of) as coke, kleenex, and frisbee. But I guess the people at Google don't like this and have come up with a new term to describe this fate: genericide. This is the term they used in writing a letter the author of the article asking him not to use "google" as a verb. Damn, I can understand why a company would not want that kind of publicity.

John Karbowski. Hypothetical situation. You live in humid warm Florida and are being overrun by mosquitoes. How do you solve the problem? Well, our friend Mr. Karbowski decided to try and raise a colony of bats on his property to eat the mosquitoes. Unfortunately for the bats, he did not properly care for them and they all died - so he is being charged with animal cruelty.

Francesca Cisneros. First, let me confess something here. Once, when I was 17, I got a speeding ticket. I know, my image of perfection has been tarnished. Francesca, on the other hand, has been given more than a few speeding tickets in the last 5 months - 70 to be exact. Now, I know people that have been caught speeding twice, even three times in a short period (***cough** my brother ***cough***), but this is just absurd. It is not, however, the number of tickets that garnered Francesca this nomination, but her response to the tickets: she threw them all away thinking that nothing could happen to her. Well, now she faces $11,000 in fines and, according to the article, possible suspension of her license. Possible!! This lady shouldn't be allowed around other people anymore let alone allowed to operate a moving vehicle. She shouldn't even be allowed to ride the bus.

My youngest ever douchebag nominee (I think) unfortunately has to remain anonymous because of her age. You see, Indian judge Julia Jent has come up with a new punishment for teen traffic offenders - they have to ride the bus to school. Not get a ride from friends or from their parents, but ride the big metal twinkie. What the judge noticed was that this one particular girl did not seem to care that she was getting a ticket (probably because she was a spoiled little shit) so Judge Jent sentenced her to ride the bus to school every day for a few months or face a fine and suspension of her license. Like with Francesca above, it was her response that got her the nomination: she began to cry outside the courtroom. Douche!

And the winner:

Peter McBride. Now, I am not one to be very critical of a person's reason for getting a tattoo. You see, I have to yellow stars inked on my right arm - one for each of the L.A. Galaxy's MLS Cup titles. However, I feel that my criticism of this guy is pretty fair. You see, he was in the tattoo parlor and the guy in front of him was wearing a polo shirt, so Peter got the Polo horse logo tattooed on his chest where it would be if he was wearing a Polo shirt. I wish it was still PC to call stupid things gay, because this would completely qualify.

That's it for now. I feel pretty good having added another honoree to the Wall of Douchebaggery. Hopefully I'll pull some more together for next week.