Dusting off the old douchebag

Its been a long time, but there are just soooo many idiots in the news these days that I have to get back on (or off?) the wagon. Some of these are a little dated, but remain relevant.

Nominees:

Loma Linda (Colorado) Homeowners Association: The last time I checked, there was something in this country called free speech. Lisa Jensen put up a Christmas wreath in the shape of a peace sign. The homeowners association is going to fine her $25/day until she takes it down. Why? They say that the peace symbol is Satanic and/or against the war. Update: they backed down.

Pretty much everyone involved in the Michael Richards thing: He's obviously a douche for what he said, but so are the two guys he was yelling at. Now they're going after him in a lawsuit? If they were that offended by racial slurs, why did they call him a "cracker ass cracker"? Only Gloria "I'll do anything for money and attention" Allred would be part of this mess.

Cindy Streit: You may not recognize the name, but she's the lady suing the producers of Borat because she was offended. The thing is, people laughed at her in the movie, but she would not have made the list had she not sued. Who is representing her? Gloria Allred. Does she really perform any important function in our society?

Gylene Heppe: She is the principal at an elementary school in Massachusetts. The new rule she created for the school? No tag. Why not? They say kids run into each other causing injuries. Well, no shit - that's half the fun. When did kids become such big pussies? I expected at least one of my friends to get hurt during each recess. We played dodgeball, tag, T.V. tag, etc. knowing full well the risks. It makes me wonder if butts-up is banned too. We played a few times with a baseball. My dad played with a golf ball. Maybe we should just put kids in little bubbles until they are 18.

Charles Ruoff: OK, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to get some shit for this since it is kind of sad, but you'll see why. Mr. Ruoff had not been seen for a few days, so police went to check on him after neighbors called. Upon entering the house, they found that the first floor, which was cluttered with garbage, broken furniture, cardboard, etc. had mostly fallen into the basement. The stairs going to the second floor had fallen apart, but "makeshift steps" were put up to give access to the top story. Officers found Mr. Ruoff alive upstairs, buried in trash that included bags of feces and jars of urine. Now, I feel sorry for the old guy, but who stores their excrement? Nasty.

This lady: A plane traveling from D.C. to Dallas had to make an emergency landing after passengers noticed the smell of lit matches. After taking all of the passengers and crew off and going through an extra security check they found the culprit. She lit the matches to cover up her nasty farts.

Newt Gingrich: Newty came in a close second only because he said something stupid while the winners did (and are doing) something stupid. In a speech last week, Gingrich suggested that we would need "need a different set of rules" about free speech when going after terrorists. Essentially, he wants to place tighter regulations on the internet and stop people from talking about terrorism. Where did he give this speech? At a ceremony honoring people that have fought to protect free speech. Classy.

The winner:

Our government: First, they have decided that there are no more hungry people in the U.S. Those same people now face "very low food security." I guess people with cancer are facing "low cell-growth control" and people with AIDS are fighting "low immune security". Let's face the facts. We spend a lot of money on things other than food for starving people. Only our current government would try to hide it. Second, there has been a new low set in the controversy over torture. The new argument is that when our government tortures a suspect they are then aware of a top secret piece of information. Therefore, we can use more torture to make sure that they don't talk about being tortured. In other words: they're pretty much fucked either way. How do they get away with this type of shit? Oh, right. They are in charge of their own accountability.