I Wish you a Merry Douchebag

Here is a quick run-down of the Christmas-themed Douchebags. In the spirit of giving, I will make them all winners:

People like this guy: He went to Iraq for a tour of duty, then stayed for another. In that time he managed to stay healthy and uninjured. Once he got home he cut his thumb open trying to open a plastic-packed computer wire. The article talks about how difficult it is to open these plastic packages these days. Really?!? Have you ever heard of scissors? Have you ever heard of not putting your fingers or the rest of your body in the path of sharp objects like razor blades and knives. Damn, I mean cutting your finger while chopping food every once in a while is understandable, but plastic? "The week after Christmas, emergency rooms across the nation are flooded with patients injured trying to open new toys and electronics." Really.

Gingerbread Nazis: Who is the bigger douche here - the guy who makes gingerbread nazis and calls it art or the people who spend their time complaining about it?

Gay Nativity: Again, who is the bigger ass - the guys who put the gay couple dolls in the nativity or the person who called their actions a "vulgar and unacceptable double attack against both a (national) institution as well as a religious symbol"? Inappropriate? Maybe. Vulgar? I'm not so sure. This comes from the same country who had Silvio Berlusconi as prime minister and whose soccer league was so corrupt they actually booted one of its most storied teams from the top flight.

Christmas vandals: Now, I'm all about hatred of those inflatable Christmas decorations that people put on their lawns (especially in the 909), but do you really need to run into someone's yard and stab the inflatable Frosty the Snowman? Only if you've had a busy night doing crystal meth and drinking Old Milwaukee. At least they caught these douchebags on camera.

Retarded parent: Ken Mott drives a bus and has a long white beard. Naturally, being a festive old guy, Ken wears a Santa hat while driving his bus every year. This year Ken was ordered to stop wearing the hat because a parent called and complained because their kid, who does not believe in Santa, was bothered by the hat. Well, is your kid bothered by getting his ass kicked every day for the rest of his life? Because that is what is going to happen if you keep that shit up.

Happy Christmas!

(Oh, and there will be a Douchebag of the Year Award posted in the next week or two.)