A heartwarming DotW Award

I have to admit that one of this week's nominees brought a tear to my eye. It wasn't a particularly emotional story, but the action that earned this nomination took place in the city of my birth - Redlands, CA. People in Redlands often say nothing good comes from Redlands. I say "What about oranges, two members of the rock group Cracker, the largest Abraham Lincoln museum west of the Mississippi, US National Team and LA Galaxy star Landon Donovan, and now a Douchebag of the Week nominee?" So in your face all you Redlands haters.

The nominees:

Joseph Jesse Martinez III: My hometown brings us this child molester. So this 44 year-old meets a 16 year-old on the internet and someone walks in on them messing around. The guys makes a run for it and escapes. Unfortunately for him, he left a key piece of evidence behind: his ID. That made it easy for the cops to find him and arrest him. This is a shocking bit of news to me since I could never imagine a resource as wholesome and family-oriented as the internet would be used for this purpose. Next thing you know there will be pornography on the internet.

Lonnie Shields: In the picture above you can see Mr. Shields caught in an air vent. He was trying to rob a liquor store in Orlando by sneaking in after hours through the vent. His plan did not quite work and the owner called the police after he found Lonnie stuck in the vent. Personally, I would have fucked with this guy as he was stuck. Maybe dump a slurpee on him or sprinkle him with crush potato chips.

Jerry McKay: Also from Florida. Mr McKay was arrested for making meth. Not unusual, except that he was arrested after being pulled over for speeding and the meth lab was in his front seat.

And some Valentine's Day themes nominees

Anybody who takes them up on this offer: So Tuesday is Valentine's Day and what says "I love you" better than being served a candle-lit dinner at your favorite restaurant. Well, if your favorite restaurant is White Castle, you too can have this experience. Some participating White Castles in parts of the East and Midwest are providing hosted seating, wait service, and candle-lit dinners on Valentine's Day from 5-8pm. Man, I can just picture it. You're looking into the candle-lit eyes of the one you love and then you lean back in your plastic bench seat and slam a slider into your mouth. I get misty just thinking about it.

Phillips: This add is just wrong. Click to check it out


Lifegem: How can you remember the loved one you lost every Valentine's Day? Maybe the ring above was a gift from them that you will always carry with you as a memory. Or maybe its a ring that has a diamond made from their ashes after cremation. No, I'm not kidding. This website tells you about their service where you can have this done. Oh, and they offer it for pets too.

And the winner:

Michael Garibay: For the winner we travel back to Orlando. (How can the same city that hosts Disneyworld also host so many douchebags?) Young Mr. Garibay was arrested for trying to sell cocaine to a police officer. The catch is, this officer was not part of some undercover operation to bust drug dealers. He was in uniform, on patrol, and sitting in his police car. Drugs are bad.