What the hell is "being tagged"?

Bob over at In the Belly of the Whale has proclaimed that I have been tagged to follow some sort of internet-based ritual dealing with lists of four. I proclaim that he is a bastard, but I'll meet his challenge anyways.

Four Jobs I've Had:
1. Boxboy at a grocery store
2. bartender
3. Blockbuster Video worker
4. little league umpire

Four Movies I can watch over and over:
1. Field of Dreams
2. Friday
3. Old School
4. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Four Books I have read over and over:
1. The Bible (I feel like that's cheating)
2. To Kill a Mockingbird
3. Hitchhiker's Guide
4. I thought of another, which is really my all-time favorite book - Grapes of Wrath

Four Places I've lived:
1. Redlands, CA
2. various parts of San Diego (La Jolla, Pacific Beach, Mira Mesa)
3. San Gabriel
4. In a pit of my own depression

Four Places I've vacationed:
1. Rome
2. San Luis Obispo (where I got engaged)
3. Erie, Pennsylvania
4. Savannah, Georgia (sort of a working trip though)

Four TV Shows I love:
1. My Name is Earl
2. Ed (even though it was tragically short-lived)
2a. (counting only still-existing shows) Family Guy
3. Chappelle's Show
4. The Simpsons

Four Favorite Dishes:
1. Steak
2. Jersey's pizza with pepperoni and cashews
3. everything that Amanda makes except the spinach cheese thing that was gross
4. mac n' cheese with hamburger

Four websites I visit daily:
1. The CarpetBagger Report
2. Soccernet
3. Drudge Report
4. Soccer365

Four Places I'd rather be right now:
1. Home Depot Center watching a Galaxy game
2. Anfield watching Liverpool
3. San Diego
4. in my new post-married apartment

Four favorite beers: (my addition)
1. Newcastle
2. Kona Fire Rock Pale
3. Kostritzer
4. free

Four people that I am "tagging" who I guess have to do this or they'll suffer some horrible consequences like having to watch Final Destination 3:

1. Amanda - Goondocks (this will make her post again)
2-4. Pete, Laurie, Randy or anybody else at Life Outside the Rat Race

Supreme Court - the XXX version

OK, not really. The Supreme Court will hear arguments this week in the case of Marshall v. Marshall, which involves which courts can decide inheritance rights. Why is this case important? Well, its not. Except one of the sides in this case is Vicky Lynn Marshall, better known as Anna Nicole Smith. That's right. The former Playboy playmate and current dumbass hoochie will actually be in court to decide if who will get her almost $500 million for about one year of playing with the 89 year-old donger of billionaire J. Howard Marshall. I wonder who really deserves the money - the old guy's snotty son or his hoochie white trash wife?

Some political comedy

This funny article comes to you from one of my favorite blogs, The CarpetBagger Report.

A conservative member of the Ohio state Senate has introduced a bill that would ban gay couples from adopting. (That is not the funny part. OK, its funny in a sick way, but this gets funnier). In response, a Democratic member of the same legislative body has announced that he will introduce a similar bill banning certain couples from adopting... Republicans. He is, of course, joking a bit. However, he does want to prove a point. Although I know some conservatives would argue that his is either making a mockery of the legislative system or simply wasting their time, I would argue that the conservative State Senator is doing the same.

Bush screws up again...or does he?

If you are confused about this whole mess with this company from the United Arab Emirates taking control of major ports in the United States, join the club. I feel like I should stick with my motto of "breaking it down for the common man" so here is the short version.

This company, Dubai Ports World from the UAE, bought another company, Peninsular and Oriental Steam Navigation Company from Britain. POSNCo had been running the ports of Miami, Philadelphia, New York, etc. and with the buyout Dubai Ports World will take over. People are having fits because this company is Arab, was one of the few countries to recognize the Taliban in Afghanistan, and will now be running several of our major ports. Bush has said that this deal is safe, has been approved by the right people, and will continue even if he has to use the veto.

Here comes the shocker: I think he's right. An editorial in today's LA Times points out that Dubai Ports World will only be handling the logistics of the port and that security will still be controlled by the US Coast Guard, port police, etc. Also, most of the employees will stay in place. The article also points out that 80% of LA's ports are already operated by foreign companies (although it does not say if any are based in Arab countries). So it seems that this is not nearly as big of a deal as everyone makes it out to be.

However, it helps create a bigger deal when Bush uses one of his old strategies to convince people that the deal is OK: "Trust me". Problem? A lot of people don't trust him. Why not point out the details of this deal to the people so they can see how this is not a big deal? In any case, there are a lot of Senators, including Hillary "I have to stick my nose into every damn thing so people thing I am legit" Clinton, that are going nuts over this. Why? So they can say that they are strong on national security.

Rush Limbaugh is back on drugs

At least he must be after the comment he made today. In a discussion about big government, he said (and I'm not quoting since I can't remember the exact words) that the failure of the government to help Katrina victims proves one thing: that big government doesn't work. Here's a question ass clown: Which government program failed to help them? Homeland Security. Who appointed the Head of Homeland Security? Bush. HELL, who created the Dept. of Homeland Security? Mother F'ing Bush!!

This just adds to my argument that most conservative media is so full of shit that they have to use the things they screw up to prove that they are right.

You can't spell Bush without BS

Now, I remember in the State of the Union Bush saying that he wanted to create cleaner energy. If you don't remember, here is a quote:

So tonight, I announce the Advanced Energy Initiative -- a 22-percent
increase in clean-energy research -- at the Department of Energy, to push for
breakthroughs in two vital areas. To change how we power our homes and offices,
we will invest more in zero-emission coal-fired plants, revolutionary solar and
wind technologies, and clean, safe nuclear energy.

How does he accomplish this? By cutting the budget of the National Renewable Energy Lab, which was forced to lay off 30+ workers. Here's the catch: Bush was scheduled to speak at the lab today to talk about his dedication to clean energy. I'm guessing that his reception would not have been that warm. So what did they do? They magically found some of the money in the budget to give back to the lab before the speech. Not all, but just enough to re-hire the people. According to the CarpetBagger Report, it was $5 million of the $28 million that they cut.

All we need now is for Bush to visit a school in my district so maybe we can get some of that No Child Left Behind money. Oh wait, there really isn't any.

Douchebag of the Week 2/17/06

So many worthy candidates and so little time. What do I do with all these douchebags?

First, an honorary nominee:

My Dad: He's not really a douchebag, but I thought this would be a good birthday present. Saturday is the anniversary of that momentous day when my wise old dad was born. He's a reasonably good father, although he still blames me for drinking one of his Coronas when I was in high school. What I will admit to is that I regularly drank a beer or two on weekends when I came back from college, but all he had was Michelob and I think I did him a favor by emptying the fridge.

Now, the real nominees:

Dick Cheney: Yeah, I went there. But how can I let the fact that our vice-president shot someone go unheralded? (although it was an accident during a quail hunt) I'm not a big hunter myself, so I don't know what "birdshot" is, but I am sure that I don't want it projected into my face and torso.

Scott McClellan: Based on the same incident, I nominated the White House press secretary for his response to the criticism that the White House took to long to make the news public. His response? "It's important, always, to work to make sure you get information out like this as quickly as possible," McClellan said. "But it's also important to make sure that the first priority is focused where it should be, and that is making sure that Mr. Whittington has the care that he needs." Really? You were personally making sure that he got to the hospital? What an ass. This guy is to honest as William "The Refrigerator" Perry is to skinny. The better answer? "Does knowing about this accident matter to anybody besides the VP, the guy who got shot, and the families of those involved? You see, my job is to lie to you about important things, not to let you know when Dick Cheney takes an especially smelly shit, which is about once an hour. Next question."

Frank Miller: Nerdy Pete at Rat Race probably knows who this is, but Frank Miller writes the Batman comic books. Why is he such a douchebag? Well, he says that Batman's next foe will be none other than... Osama Bin Laden. I don't really know what to say about this except that it sounds lame as hell.

The people that gave Johnny Weir a hard time: This is the only time that I will defend somebody who participates in an activity that people call a sport, although it really is not (an argument that I will take up in another post). He was at practice for the Olympics wearing an old Soviet Union warm-up jacket. It was red with the letters "CCCP" across the front and his name in Russian on the sleeve. Why are people pissed about this? He's an American. Why are those people stupid for being pissed? Because they need to realize two things: #1- The Soviet Union no longer exists so he isn't wearing the uniform of a competitor, and #2- it was a gift from a friend of his who is a Russian skater.

Zeljko Tupic: Inflicted by the same problem as many men (but none on the EToWJB staff) this guy tried a homemade solution to his erectile disfunction. He jammed a pencil in his dick. Well, it was working until it shifted and got stuck in his bladder. I think I speak for all guys when I say AAAAAAAHHHHHGGGGGOOOOOOOOONOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

And the winner...

Vanessa Jackson: (nominated by Pete at Life Outside the Rat Race). What is the definition of a bad parent? How about feeding your kids from the same bowl everyday, only feeding them water on some nights, not feeding them at all on other nights, or beating them with shoes when they try to get food. Maybe you force them to sit on the stairs all day, then keep them awake at all hours, also forcing them to stay in bed until after noon. Then you don't let them outside. Don't take them to a doctor despite the fact that the kids are grossly malnourished. All of this while your other kids live normal lives. This is exactly what Vanessa Jackson and her now dead husband did to four of the foster children they had. Jackson, along with her biological children, deny that these stories are true, but the skinny-ass kids they found digging in the garbage say otherwise. I almost feel bad putting this lady in the same category with the other douchebags.

Why figure skating is not a sport...

I know that it is the most widely watched event at the Winter Olympics, but there is no way you should be able to consider figure skating a sport. Here are my reasons:

#1- You earn points from a judge. There is no goal to score, no points earned by completing a task, no finish line to cross. It is all based on how good you look.

#2- There is no chance involved. You create a routine, you perform the routine. Sure, skaters fall (like that Chinese girl that ate a big one the other night) and miss moves, but that is lack of execution, not dealing with changing situations like the opponent's defense.

#3- They wear costumes. What is the difference between costumes and uniforms? Uniforms are uniform, meaning the whole team wears the same outfit, thus signifying that they are on the team. Costumes are worn for artistic effect, and there is no room for art in sport.

#4- Its a show, not a competition. What other "sport" is done not only for points, but also as a show purely for entertainment. I will admit that I went, as a gift, to a "Stars on Ice" event. That was a show, but the only difference between that and the Olympics was the lack of judges.

Here are reasons why people say figure skating is a sport and why I think they are wrong:

#1- It takes a lot of training. So does being a police officer, joining the military, etc.

#2- It physically strenuous (its hard to do). Yeah, well, working construction is physically strenuous, but you don't see them putting on sequin-covered outfits and getting judged for framing a good wall.

#3- It takes a lot of talent. Doing any job well takes a lot of talent. There are people that are naturally talented painters, but that is not an Olympic event.

In any case, I don't want to discredit the ability of the skaters, I just question the validity of calling figure skating a sport. There are a lot of "sports" that fall into this same category. Most of the "extreme sports" are questionable when they involve judging because they are based entirely on subjective value, not a direct competition. It doesn't require any less ability to be a good snowboarder than a good luger, but when people compete in the luge, there is no doubt who won because he/she went faster.

I'm just sayin'.

Valentine's Day can eat my ass

Look, I have had a Valentine every year since '97, so this diatribe does not come from recent bitterness. However, I never had a Valentine before that, so maybe this is left over from my adolescence.

Reasons why Valentine's Day is stupid:

1. It is not a real holiday. The greeting card and chocolate industries have convinced us that we have to buy a card, some candy, balloons, stuffed animals, etc. I try to do nice things for my significant other on a regular basis, thus eliminating the need to do it on a random Tuesday. And before you get crazy on me, I did get Amanda a card (although I can't find it).

2. It puts other people's relationship in your face. What if you are single and lonely today? All you get to do is watch other people give each other shitty gifts. There is no solace for the single person on Valentine's Day. At least on Christmas people that are lonely can watch a Christmas movie or listen to music, etc. and can get the Christmas spirit. How do you get that romantic feeling alone on Valentine's Day? Make yourself a nice dinner and then "take care of yourself"? Right now there is a giant bear attached to a giant balloon that plays romantic "Baby I need your lovin" when you hit it. Why? So that girl can show how much that horny 10th grade boy likes her. All of the goofy and nerdy kids (like me) only get to feel worse.

3. Too much money is spent on useless crap. See the comment above about the giant bear. Where will that balloon end up? In some landfill forever. Where will the bear end up? On fire in her backyard after they break up although he told her that he loved her and she gave it up to him. Does any male over the age of 5 want a stuffed animal? Hell no, unless it is a real animal that you shot. Plus, if a girl gets you a stupid stuffed animal you are forced to keep it until you break up. Yeah, that pink bear with the big-ass heart on it really fits well next to the posters of Playboy playmates, 50 cent and Kobe Bryant.

Well, that's my feeling about the "holiday." Don't let me ruin the fun for you though. Just know that every stupid Valentine's Day gift you give ends up killing the environment. Do you really want that on your conscious?

BIG NEWS!!!

Pat Robertson said something stupid. I know... you're stunned. Here is his latest gem of wisdom:

Studies that I have read indicate that having babies is a sign of a faith in the future. You know, unless you believe in the future, you're not going to take the trouble of raising a child, educating a child, doing something. If there is no future, why do it? Well, unless you believe in God, there's really no future. And when you go back to the existentialism of Jean-Paul Sartre, the whole idea of this desperate nightmare we are in -- you know, that we are in this prison, and it has no hope, no exit. That kind of philosophy has permeated the intellectual thinking of Europe, and hopefully it doesn't come here. But nevertheless, ladies and gentlemen, Europe is right now in the midst of racial suicide because of the declining birth rate. And they just can't get it together. Why? There's no hope.

That's right. Europeans follow Sartre's philosophy so they don't care about the future therefore they don't have enough kids.

That it why it is now the Pat Robertson Douchebag of the Week Award presented by the Evil Twin if William Jennings Bryan.

George and Jack

Time has published the first photos of Bush with Jack Abramoff. What do they show us? Nothing really. One of the three pictures has Abramoff in the background. Bush is meeting with one of Abramoff's clients with an Indian tribe, so there is some kind of connection, but I was hoping for something more. Note, however, that Bush denied that Abramoff was at the meeting at all. Also, as The CarpetBagger Report notes, he is seen in another version of the photo standing near Karl Rove, who we all know has his hand up Bush's ass like a puppet. There must be more of these in someone's photo album.

Karma is a bitch Mr. President.

(Ed.'s note: I would like to see the more liberal blogs deal with this as a less-than-destructive set of photos and not try and make this a bigger deal than it is. However, I think they (we?) have been drooling over these pictures for so long they are are going to try and squeeze water from a rock.)

A heartwarming DotW Award

I have to admit that one of this week's nominees brought a tear to my eye. It wasn't a particularly emotional story, but the action that earned this nomination took place in the city of my birth - Redlands, CA. People in Redlands often say nothing good comes from Redlands. I say "What about oranges, two members of the rock group Cracker, the largest Abraham Lincoln museum west of the Mississippi, US National Team and LA Galaxy star Landon Donovan, and now a Douchebag of the Week nominee?" So in your face all you Redlands haters.

The nominees:

Joseph Jesse Martinez III: My hometown brings us this child molester. So this 44 year-old meets a 16 year-old on the internet and someone walks in on them messing around. The guys makes a run for it and escapes. Unfortunately for him, he left a key piece of evidence behind: his ID. That made it easy for the cops to find him and arrest him. This is a shocking bit of news to me since I could never imagine a resource as wholesome and family-oriented as the internet would be used for this purpose. Next thing you know there will be pornography on the internet.

Lonnie Shields: In the picture above you can see Mr. Shields caught in an air vent. He was trying to rob a liquor store in Orlando by sneaking in after hours through the vent. His plan did not quite work and the owner called the police after he found Lonnie stuck in the vent. Personally, I would have fucked with this guy as he was stuck. Maybe dump a slurpee on him or sprinkle him with crush potato chips.

Jerry McKay: Also from Florida. Mr McKay was arrested for making meth. Not unusual, except that he was arrested after being pulled over for speeding and the meth lab was in his front seat.

And some Valentine's Day themes nominees

Anybody who takes them up on this offer: So Tuesday is Valentine's Day and what says "I love you" better than being served a candle-lit dinner at your favorite restaurant. Well, if your favorite restaurant is White Castle, you too can have this experience. Some participating White Castles in parts of the East and Midwest are providing hosted seating, wait service, and candle-lit dinners on Valentine's Day from 5-8pm. Man, I can just picture it. You're looking into the candle-lit eyes of the one you love and then you lean back in your plastic bench seat and slam a slider into your mouth. I get misty just thinking about it.

Phillips: This add is just wrong. Click to check it out


Lifegem: How can you remember the loved one you lost every Valentine's Day? Maybe the ring above was a gift from them that you will always carry with you as a memory. Or maybe its a ring that has a diamond made from their ashes after cremation. No, I'm not kidding. This website tells you about their service where you can have this done. Oh, and they offer it for pets too.

And the winner:

Michael Garibay: For the winner we travel back to Orlando. (How can the same city that hosts Disneyworld also host so many douchebags?) Young Mr. Garibay was arrested for trying to sell cocaine to a police officer. The catch is, this officer was not part of some undercover operation to bust drug dealers. He was in uniform, on patrol, and sitting in his police car. Drugs are bad.

Galaxy Schedule 2006

Why do I believe in God? Posted below is the 2006 Galaxy home schedule. In case you don't know, I am a season ticket holder for the Los Angeles Galaxy. In case you don't know, the Galaxy is the better of 2 tema representing LA in Major League Soccer, which is entering its 11th season. If you look closer, you will notice that there is no home game on July 29th, which happens to be my wedding day. If you were to look at the full schedule, you would notice that July 29th is the day of the MLS All-Star Game, which is a complete waste of time to watch. That is how I know God exists and that he loves me. My only concern is that November 12th is MLS Cup, and there is a possibility that my future wife's sister is getting married that day. At least the game is at 12:30, which means I could reasonably do both.

I know there have been some anxious readers waiting for this schedule, so here it is.


LOS ANGELES GALAXY
2006 REGULAR SEASON HOME SCHEDULE
(All times PT)
DAY DATE TEAM TIME TV
Saturday April 1 New England Revolution 8 P.M. ESPN2
Saturday April 8 Chicago Fire 7:30 PM
Saturday April 22 Columbus Crew 7:30 PM

Saturday May 13 Real Salt Lake 7:30 PM
Saturday May 20 Colorado Rapids 7:30 PM

Thursday June 8 Chivas USA 7:00 PM ESPN2
Sunday June 11 DC United 5:00 PM
Saturday June 24 Houston 1836 7:30 PM

Tuesday July 4 MetroStars 7:30 PM
Saturday July 8 Real Salt Lake 7:30 PM

Sunday August 20 FC Dallas 5:00 PM

Saturday September 2 Kansas City Wizards 7:30 PM
Sunday September 10 Houston 1836 5:00 PM
Saturday September 16 Colorado Rapids 7:30 PM
Saturday September 30 Chivas USA 7:30 PM

Saturday October 14 FC Dallas 7:30 PM

Sunday November 12 MLS CUP 2006 @ Dallas 12:30 P.M. ABC

All Fox Sports Net broadcasts will have 30-minute pre-game show
All Galaxy radio broadcasts on KXME 830-AM and KMPC 1540-AM “The Ticket”

Poetry corner

Here's a little poem I wrote:

Such a lonely day, and it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life
Such a lonely day,
should be banned
It's a day that I can't stand

OK, I didn't actually write that and I hope that you read it and went "that sucked" because it does. This is one verse of the lyrics from System of a Down's "Lonely Day". This pretty much sums up why I am going to make this bold statement:

SYSTEM OF A DOWN IS THE WORST BAND EVER.

That's right, I said it. Korn has held the trophy for a while after I first gave the award to Limp Bizkit. However, this new song's lyrics set a new standard for shit music. How often does this piece of crap get played on KROQ? Pretty much once an hour. But wait, the song must get better right? Nope. Here's the next verse of brilliance:

Such a lonely day, shouldn't exist
It's a day that I'll never miss
Such a lonely day, and it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life

I'm not kidding. Those are really lyrics that a band put into a song that is actually getting national airplay. How does this happen? I think a lot of it has to do with payola, where record companies pay radio stations to play the artists they represent. At least I hope that is the reason, because the only other explanation would be that they think this crap is good, and that's just not possible. And in case you didn't notice, they use the phrase "most loneliest", which can't possibly be grammatically correct.

Liar liar pants on fire

In his State of the Union, Bush said

"And to keep America competitive, one commitment is necessary above all: We must continue to lead the world in human talent and creativity. Our greatest advantage in the world has always been our educated, hardworking, ambitious people -- and we're going to keep that edge"

Well, he didn't really follow up on that today. In his new budget, Bush cuts federal spending on student loan subsidies. These subsidies allow students to take out loans and the government deals with the interest until 6 months after you graduate, giving you a chance to focus on school and get on your feet after you finish. So in order to "keep that edge" we are going to make it harder for people to pay for college? Sounds like a good idea. (sarcasm)

If you go to his new website which tells us to "expect more," you can see a list of all of the programs that he has labeled "not performing." How many military programs fall in the category? 4. How many education programs fall in that category? 47 (including Federal Work-study and Federal Perkins Loans). And his solution to improve this? Cut those programs. For example. My school gets tutors through Cal State Northridge that are paid for by the government through a program called GEAR UP. At Sylmar, these tutors are often used in math classes. Math is an area that Bush says we need to be more competitive in. This year the GEAR UP program had a budget of $303 million. Next year? Gone. Way to be competitive.

Look, the Federal Government's major education spending comes through Title I, which will be budgeted with $12.9 billion and the Dept. of Ed. will have an overall discretionary budget of $54.4 billion. What does the Dept. of Defense get? Over $500 billion! I know and expect that Defense will always cost more than education, but defense is going up $30 billion and education is going down $3 billion. (Link to budget)

So we need to compete Mr. President? I guess if we can't beat them with education we can at least kill the shit out of them.

Can you tell that I am pissed?

The Skills to Pay the Bills

I heard a cool interview today on KCRW's Morning Eclectic with author Alan Light, who recently published a book called "The Skills to Pay the Bills" about the Beastie Boys. I have not read it, but I plan on picking it up this weekend.

Its shocking to me that License to Ill was will celebrate the 20th anniversary of its release this year. My brother and I got that record (actually a record, not a tape or CD) soon after it came out. Now that I think about it, I'm really surprised that my parents let us get it. Although it is often considered one of the greatest records of modern music, I would argue that its not even the best Beastie Boys record. If you have never heard Paul's Boutique, you need to check that one out.

Also, if you have never seen the Beastie Boys live, you are missing out. Amanda and I went with my brother and his wife during their last tour. Their show is great because you get a mix of everything. They don't do as much stuff from License to Ill anymore, but they do a whole set (4-5 songs) from their instrumental album "The In Sound from Way Out", which is also really good. They are eligible for entry into the rock n' roll hall of fame this year and I would not be surprised to see them get in unanimously.

For once I agree with Bush...

...however I don't think he was being completely honest with the statement that I agree with. During his State of the Union, Bush talked about the United States being dependent on Middle East oil. This statement, in principle, is pretty much correct. However, he doesn't really propose a reasonable solution besides drilling in the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge (ANWaR). So here is my thought on a possible solution. I do realize, however, that there are major issues with my solution as well, and hope that I will get some opinions on this idea.

I was thinking about some type of rationing program for gas. Hear me out before you tear it apart. What if we could limit the amount of gas a person could use every month? The government could set some semi-arbitrary amount based on average gas consumption and then create some type of card system where you had to swipe the card before operating the pump. I think this could force some people to make some decisions about how they use fuel. For example, owners of cars that have bad gas mileage would have to control their usage. Maybe they would have to get a new car that uses less gas. This, I think, would mostly effect people that could actually afford gas-guzzling SUVs like Excursions. Also, some may have to turn towards public transportation. If the number was set so that people with short commutes (30 miles or less) could still fit in under the ration as long as they weren't driving ecologically unfriendly cars. Maybe you could buy gas past the ration limit, but with a huge tax added that would go towards improving public transportation.

Problems?

Well, I think people might say that there are some pretty serious technological requirements to carry this out, but they were able to ration during WWII and that was over 60 years ago. I would like to think that we could conquer this issue.

Are we invading people's rights by limiting their ability to buy gas? I argue no. The government has the right to regulate commerce and, although I think it stretched the power, I think it is possible. State and federal governments already regulate fuel through taxes and emissions regulations.

Wouldn't this limit large families who need large cars? Sure, but they could be compensated through tax credits or something like that.

Wouldn't this create some kind of black market on the ration cards? Yeah, I really don't know about this one.

How would you decide who gets the ration? Maybe per car. Not per person since this may not limit actual usage. However, they figured this out in WWII as well, so there must be a solution.

In any case, this is just a random thought that I was having and would love to hear other people's thoughts on the issue.

I will argue that Bush really does not want us to cut usage, but just wants more profits to his oil buddies. I don't think his solution would at all be considerate of the environment except by coincidence. Without oil problems I don't think we care about the middle east so much. There are similar issues with democracy in Africa, and I think nuclear weapons are a farce as an issue. We don't complain about India or Israel or France having nukes. I know Iran is considered a greater threat, but is it really fair to say that some countries get to use nuclear power and others do not? I don't know. This is where I go a little further left than usual, but it seems clear to me that some rules apply to only countries that we do not agree with politically.

Yeah, so there it is. Just a Tuesday rant I guess.

New Garden of Eden?

OK, that's a little blown out of proportion, but this story describes how scientists exploring part of New Guinea found species of animals and plants that were previously unknown, including a frog that is only 14mm. That is almost shocking to me that in the year 2006 there are parts of the world that man has not reached due to reasons other than temperature. Hopefully they don't also find oil there so we can at least keep some parts of the world in some kind of natural state.

Monday gross out

This is a house centipede. I believe this is the mysterious bug that Amanda and I saw crawl across her windshield in the garage of her apartment maybe 2 months ago. Thanks to the people that run the webiste Whats That Bug? for creating such a useful resource. Don't tell them, but I would probably squish this if I saw it again as I have with countless innocent tiny creatures over the 28+ years of my life.

There is hope for the future

So these kids learn about healthy eating in their class, including the dangers from eating too much junk food. Then the school has them sel chocolate and potato chips to raise money for their trip to Williamsburg and Washington DC. So what do these kids from a very poor community do? They refuse to sell the food because it will make people fat. That's pretty awesome. I only wish I was a millionaire and could fork out the $12,000 they still need for their trip.

Gnu Gnus on the Plame case

Scooter Libby got his trial date today - conveniently after the mid-term elections. There is a bit of a twist here though. His attorneys want access to some top secret documents that will help in his defense. The prosecutors do not want to release them. How ironic. Maybe they could make a deal with his former boss to release information about Hurricane Katrina, the administration's connection to Jack Abramoff, or the mysterious lost e-mails. Sometimes, justice is a two-edged sword. Does that make any sense? Well, you get the idea.

Its a barrage of comedy

Check out this video:

Brokeback to the Future

That's some quality work.

Pat Robertson Douchebag of the Week Award - 2/3/05

I've been so into items of substance on this blog that I am ignoring the items with little significance to anyone - except Bakersfield of course. So here is the latest installment of the Douchebag of the Week for your enjoyment.

The nominees

John Daly: I'm sort of wishy-washy on this one since it sort of makes him my hero, but Daly found out shortly before he teed off at the Buick Open that his wife was taken to jail for a crime that she was previously convicted for committing. So, of course, he withdrew and went to be with her and deal with their kids, right? Nope. He went out the next day and started the tournament. But of course, being so distracted, he probably bombed out. Nope. He shot a 3-under 69. Nice.

Tamra Eason: If a guy comes to your door with a homemade tattoo gun offering his services, what would you do? I would politely say "no thanks" and close the door. Not Tamra. She, along with 2 other people living in her apartment complex, took him up on his offer and now they all have infections. The Dept. of Health is suggesting that they get checked for HIV and Hep C.

Oil companies: I really don't hold that much against them since the point of business is to make money, but these douchebags are just plain questionable. Exxon reported a quarterly profit of over $10 billion. That puts them at over $36 billion for the year. I wish they would just come out and say "if you don't like our prices ride your fucking bike" because that would at least be honest. They claim that they are going to put these profits into making sure that they can supply us in the future. The only thing they are worried about supplying is their family with a lifetime of tacos made from the meat of endangered species.

Fernando Del Pino: From the "no fucking shit" file comes this story from Lexington, Kentucky (big surprise - the South) where a teacher decided to show his middle school class "40 year-old virgin." The story makes it sound like he didn't know what the movie was about, but don't you figure out that it is inappropriate after seeing a guy with a boner about 5 seconds into the movie? I told my kids about the story and even they know that this should not be showed at school. This coming from 14 year-olds that think we can watch episodes of South Park in class.

?????: It is tough to pick out who the biggest douchebag is in this story. I'll let you decide. Barbara Asher is a dominatrix who accidentally(?) killed one of her clients, Michael Lord (he had a heart attack). She then teamed up with her boyfriend to chop the guy up and dumped the bits behind a restaurant. In court, the prosecutor put on a bondage mask (think Pulp Fiction or just click to see the picture) and started to re-enact the crime before the judge stopped him. So who is the biggest douchebag? The guy who hires a dominatrix, the dominatrix that chops him up, or the prosecutor that puts on a bondage mask in court? The answer: the investigators that lost all of the evidence allowing Asher to be acquitted. Also note that the bits were dumped behind a restaurant and the body was never found. They must have done the dumping behind a Taco Bell.

David Kennedy: This guy was pulled over because he was driving erratically and almost hit another driver. When the cop walked up to his window, what did he find out about Mr. Kennedy? He was drunk? No. He was stoned? No. He was only eight years old and his dad was passed out in the back seat? That would be funny, but no. He was distracted by the porno mags that he was trying to read while he was driving? ding ding ding. Where was young Mr. Kennedy from? Memphis, which just happens to be in the South.

Cindy Sheehan: A previous winner gets nominated again, just falling short. This has been a pretty popular story, but I want to chime in just for a second. She was arrested while in attendance at the State of the Union for wearing a shirt that said "2245 dead - How many more?" I'm all about freedom of speech, but how is this an appropriate time to do that? There is something called tact, and this lady completely lacks it. I was a big fan of hers when she camped out in front of Bush's ranch, but she needs to be a little more normal. Its hard to be a liberal when this kook gets put forward as the face of your political beliefs. As a person that is strongly against our war in Iraq, I feel like a Conservative Christian must feel about Pat Robertson or an African-American in New Orleans must feel about their mayor. She needs to either go away or just choose some more effective means of protest. The wife of a Republican Congressman was also removed from the chamber for wearing a support-our-troops t-shirt. The guy wants to sue over his wife's removal, but has no problem with Sheehan being arrested. That makes total sense. (please read last sentence in sarcastic tone)

Now, I am going to have two categories this week for the winner: one for Comedic Douchebag of the Week and one for Asshole Douchebag of the Week.

Comedic Douchbag of the Week: Sylvester Williams was arrested for selling crack. Nothing unusual about that. The comedy is in how they caught him. Well, it turns out that he was a very enterprising crack dealer and so he had made some business cards that ended up in the hands of the police, who called in an order and arrested him. The slogan on his business card (and my new life mantra): "For a quick hit on time call the boss." I think he was sampling the product a little too much.

Asshole Douchebag of the Week: Bill Handel decided last week that the death of a few hundred Muslims making a traditional pilgrimage would be a good subject for a comedy bit. He created a fake traffic report about the stampeding crowd that ended up in the death of 363 people. When the Council of American Islamic Relations demanded an apology, he responded that he would apologize only if CAIR denounced terrorism, recognized Israel's right to exist, and deny any connections to terrorist groups. Where's the connection there? I have no idea. He's done it before too. In 2004 he said that Muslims don't bathe, hate Jews, and have sex with animals. How is this ass-clown still on the radio? I guess any station willing to put Dr. Laura on the air is willing to accept and racist asshole.

So, that's the latest installment. Once again, the credit goes to my diligent staff of midgets and monkeys on typewriters for putting together this collection of "great" stories.

House Majority Leader results

After the 231 ballots were counted in the first round of voting, there was nobody who had won a majority to take Tom DeLay's place. What? There are only 222 Republicans in the House? You're right. And The Carpetbagger Report talks about how the first vote for this leadership position was apparently corrupted by extra votes. What does that say about the GOP? Either they are cheaters or they can't count too well.

In any case, after the second non-corrupt vote John Boehner became the new GOP House Majority Leader. I'm not going to make any boner jokes because I'm pretty sure its pronounced BAY-ner, but I still got a chuckle. It was also funny that it came down to Boehner vs. Blunt. Its too bad Blunt lost because he was pretty corrupt too.