My first look back at 2005

Don't be surprised when you find out that my first look back at this last year involves me making fun of Bush. The White House made a press release showing Bush's accomplishments this year. Its pretty funny.

The release is pretty long, so I'll include the main headings in this post and make fun of them individually.

Point 1: The President Will Work With Congress To Complete Reauthorization Of The Patriot Act. Notice that Bush's first accomplishment hasn't actually been completed. Good start.

Point 2: President Bush Is Committed To Winning The War On Terror. How is that an accomplishment? I'm committed to improving my diet, but I ate a few cookies last night at my mom's open house. So can I list my failing diet goals as an accomplishment? Nope, unless I follow Bush's criteria. Note: One of the subheadings under this accomplishment is "President Bush Proposed A Comprehensive Immigration Reform Plan To Enhance America's Homeland Security." His plan is to let temporary workers into the country with no real incentive for those same immigrants to return to their home countries when the permit runs out. I'm not arguing for or against this policy at this point, but how does that actually enhance security? Not in any way that I can see.

Point 3: President Bush Is Advancing His Agenda To Maintain A Strong And Vibrant Economy. Under this main heading he lists such major accomplishments as cutting government spending (like in Iraq?), tax reform (like the recent bills to maintain limits on capital gains that really only benefit the upper class despite what many people say about middle class investment income), and his nomination of a new fed chairman (wow, one guy retired and you picked a new one? Well done assclown. My coffeemaker broke and I chose a new one - I guess that is an accomplishment).

Point 4: The President Nominated Well-Qualified Candidates To The U.S. Supreme Court. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Well, I guess he is batting .500, which is good for baseball and better than Shaq's free-throw percentage. However, if you look at the subheadings you notice that he mentions the new Chief Justice, who is clearly qualified, and Alito, who has not even started the process of Congressional approval. What about Harriet Meyers? Oh yeah, he said qualified not corporate stooge best friend picked based on the spoils system.

Point 5: President Bush Has Worked With Congress To Pass Legislation Important To The American People. Examples: bankruptcy reform that helps creditors, No Child Left Behind (that he doesn't fund - don't get me started), Medicare reform (which, it turns out, is maybe 10% cheaper than just buying insurance from a huge insurance company), and possible welfare reform that Congress is working on (another accomplishment that has not actually been accomplished. Where have we seen this before? Oh yeah, in this same post. Oh, and that little "Mission Accomplished" victory sign Bush set up when we "won" the war in Iraq like 2 years ago.)

Point 6: The President Is Acting To Help The Gulf Coast Recover From Natural Disaster. There are too many jokes to even begin to type here. I will let Kanye West deal with this subject. It only took, what, six weeks to fire the head of FIMA that lied on his resume. That's some quick action.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy your Christmas Eve day. Tonight I will be posting a lengthy Holiday-themed Evil Twin of William Jennings Bryan Douchebag of the Week for your holiday enjoyment.