The true enemies of mankind
For centuries mankind has feared that they would be taken over by bands of roving monkeys. There have been numerous stories where monkeys attacked seemingly innocent people. Although I argue that a swift kick to the monkey's skull is the ultimate and invincible weapon against our thumbed arch-enemies, it appears that there are other animals that may pose a greater threat to our existence: squirrels and birds.
Many people, including myself, have made jokes about the birdflu. But according to the story linked above, the birdflu has been discovered here in California! Sun Valley, along the stretch of the 210 freeway that I use everyday, is the site of a quail farm hosting birds with BIRD FLU!! Don't underestimate the magnitude of this news. Birds are not innocent creatures. For hundreds of years they have practiced their bombing runs on our billboards, windshields, and father's heads. Now their shit is lethal and these little kamikazes are looking to take over.
Although Amanda has long preached the danger of squirrels, this story backs up her fears: squirrels are trying to kill us and take over our governments. These Russian squirrels attacked and bit to death a dog that was barking at them in a Russian park. Sure, you may say "that damn commie dog got what is deserved", but let's consider this. What animals are most commonly found as domestic pets in our homes? Dogs. The squirrels know this and are looking to find a way to scare us all into giving up power or facing the deaths of our beloved canines. Maybe they are threatening to deliver upon us humans the same fates as sparky and fido.
When it happens, you know who warned you!! I'm just sayin'
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3 comments:
Man, that black squirrel freaks me out, it looks like something you might fight in the haunted forest of Mirkwood. (see The Hobbit). But I think this is a case of the Russians up to thier old tricks again. I think they are getting thier propaganda machine rolling again and this squirrel story is just a test balloon. We may have to clone Ronald Reagan (If they haven't already) and have him come back and destroy those black commie squirrels with a sustained program od Mutually assured desttruction, in which we stock pile our own lethal squirrels to match thiers.
auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughhhhh!!!!! i find this very upsetting.
seriously, a squirrel gap is no laughing matter. We're futzing about in Iraq and the Russians are out-squirreling us like 3 to one.
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