Energy Drinks

You may not be aware that I am a connoisseur of fine energy drinks, but I am. One of the conflicts that I originally had with buying energy drinks was deciding which ones tasted good enough to drink and which tasted like moldy Mountain Dew filled with rotten bananas. So here is my evaluation of every energy drink that I have ever tasted.

Red Bull Its like liquid SweetTart, which is not what you want to taste if your energy boost is in the morning. I feel like people go to Red Bull because it was the original in its market, but I argue that it is not your best choice. They do, however, have a sugar-free version. I've never tasted it, but sugar-free is always a good option. C-

Sobe Adrenaline: Not the best tasting of your options, but its not horrible either. I think this one has a pretty high amount of potassium, so it would be better after a long day playing soccer or helping your friend move (which is how I first discovered it). B-

Nos Sugar Free I have never tasted the inside of a dog's ass, but I'm going to guess that this flavor is very similar. The worst energy drink ever. F

Hansen's This one in the little green can is one of my favorites. I like the flavor, its not too big so you can pound it, and it only gives you enough energy to "take the edge off" without causing you to go insane. They used to sell it by the case at Costco, which is how I got hooked. My friend Andrew and I drank 2-3 of these every day the last year that we were both counselors at summer camp. They also have a few other flavors. There is an orange-flavored one that is kind of gross. There is one called Power that is OK and one that is called B-Well that I took one time I was sick. It was pretty good too. The regular drink:A-

Monster: One of the better drinks, but not for the weak of heart. It gives you a huge boost, but doesn't leave you crashing out after a couple hours. Tastes pretty good, too. The 16-ounce can is more than I want to drink at one time and more than my heart wants to deal with, but since it is currently carried at Costco you can get them at $1/can if you buy a dozen you can throw away the last 4-6 ounces. A Sugar free B+ The KHAOS Juice version that they make tastes pretty bland so C-

Jones: they had an older version of this when I was in college that gave you tons of energy and tasted OK. This time around the taste is OK, but the kick is less and can give you quite a dropoff after a few hours. Also, it gives me the worst loogies. B- Sugar free B

Full Throttle: They gave these out after a Galaxy game one time and I used it as an energy boost to get me home. Flavor is very slight for an energy drink, but it does not give you a huge boost like Monster. Not a bad choice, but the big can is too much for me as well. B+

Amp: Mountain Dew was the energy drink of the early 90s and this one is by the same people. Tastes sweet, a lot like the soda. A lot of energy. They also have a "Deuce" can which is bigger. I had that one time maybe 9 months ago for some reason (I can't remember why, but I needed a buttload of energy). All that energy had my way too hyper. One can is more than enough. A good choice. A-

That's all I can really remember right now. Next time I need one of these I'll probably go for Rockstar since I have heard good things about it. In any case, if you need a gentle buzz to help you get past a hangover, I recommend the Hansen's. If you need a real pick me up I go for the Amp. If you need to run at 110% after being awake for 20+ hours go for the Monster.