But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Battle of the sexes (sort of)

Chances are I am going to somehow get into trouble with this, but I'm going for it anyway. I was thinking about reasons why I lie being a guy. There are several reasons that I could think of that are obvious and others that I thought about that may not even make sense. However, before I make my list, let me issue this disclaimer: I love women and think that they are equal to men except biologically, which is one of the main reasons that I love women.

Why I like being a guy

1. Peeing standing up just about anywhere I want. For example, the last Galaxy game I went to was at a track and field stadium with only portable toilets. After the season ticket holder only beer garden there were many needing to piss at halftime and only one stinky closet nearby. So I joined about a dozen other guys under the bleachers to use the "Men's Room" Classy? No. Convenient? You better believe it.

2. Not menstruating. (self explanatory)

3. Not bearing children (also self explanatory)

4. Lack of accountability. When guys do stupid shit we can often just blame it on the fact that we are guys. Farted in the theater? Whaddaya want - I'm a guy. Burned off eyebrows trying to set something on fire? Boys will be boys. Pissing under the bleachers at a Galaxy game? A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

5. No embarrassing shots of underwear. When girls get drunk and pass out or get their shirts wet, or bend over a certain way they risk showing parts of their underwear, which is apparently embarrassing. How many times have you laughed at the girl who has all of her thong showing? What happens when girls sit wrong at a table? Well, we all know. Need to climb a ladder? No problem for a guy, but if you're a girl in a skirt - good luck. In fact, during college it was almost a style for a guy to have their underwear showing.

6. Here is the tough one. Now, I am going purely from another guy's comment here, but I want to bring it up - the double standard. Guys has sex with 7 girls in 3 days? What a stud! Girl gets with 2 guys in 3 days? What a slut? To quote the brother of someone I know that had a birthday recently - "I didn't create the rule, I just go with it" Now that I am no longer on the scene this is not a big deal to me, but back when I was nailing chicks left and right (I can at least pretend I was) it was (would have been) a nice thing to avoid being called a man-whore.

Anyways, that was on my brain today so I though I would throw it out there. Please add something. Why does being a guy suck? Why is being a girl awesome? Remember though, I take no responsibility for sexist comments, especially by the girls.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

A few random things for a HOT Saturday

First, if you go down to my post "Tall Ships kick ass" you will note that a member of the LAFD added a comment about my interest in the LAFD Fireboats. Very cool.

Second, it is really hot outside and I don't like it at all.

Third, you should check out my fiance's blog, the Goondocks. There is a link to the right. She is a very good writer and you should encourage her to add a lot to her blog.

Fourth, Target is evil. Add together the money I spend on beer, Starbucks, and Target and it equals the GDP of many developing nations.

Fifth, if you are looking to buy office supplies, I would start at Staples. Office Depot is my #2 choice. Everywhere else in the entire universe is next. OfficeMax comes in last. They have 50 employees working at any one time, they all have earpieces like they are Secret Service rejects, but they only have one register open and that 19-year old is on the phone to her friend while ringing you up. Screw that garbage.

Sixth, I have lived about 2 blocks from The Boat for 14 months and I've been there 3 times. What a waste.

Finally, I am going out for dinner tonight and I am going to get pasta with some type of vodka-based sauce. Whoever figured out that vodka and spaghetti sauce went together is the shit.

That's all. Enjoy the final Saturday of August.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Another birthday observation

Have you noticed that as you get older you get way fewer presents? Trust me, I'm not complaining, but it just struck me that I got three presents this year. Don't get me wrong, these were great presents. It seems like when I was younger I got in the area of 15-20 presents every birthday. They were certainly cheaper, but still. As a child I got presents from every relative within 10 square miles of my house. This year, one combined gift from the parents (who are divorced), one gift from my cheap-ass brother, and one gift from Mrs. Austin (I'm practicing). Its interesting that we seem to teach children that birthdays and Christmas means hundreds of gifts only to cut them off as adults. I think it should be reversed so we aren't spoiled as kids.

On the same note, I'm not getting Pete shit for his birthday. Seriously, not even a card.

Freedom no more

Today is my last Friday that I can spend doing nothing of consequence to the world before I have to go back to work. So how am I going to spend it? By going to work. I moved to a new classroom this year and need to set it up. However, the person who last had the room has yet to move his/her things out. Real classy person too. Expects the custodians to do it all. Left filing cabinets full and even expects them to move this big metal closet-like cabinet that is also full. Bunch of crap if you ask me. Right now its just in my way and keeping me from getting my stuff done. Every time I do stuff on time without procrastinating, something happens to stop me. I guess I should just keep procrastinating.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

This day in history quiz (or not)

Normally I make a quiz about events that happened on my birthday. However, I have been informed that this is lame. So I will just make a list of events for you. In no particular order:


1927: Sacco and Vanzetti, anarchists convicted of murder during a bank robbery, are executed
1914: Japan declared war on Germany (WWI)
1926: Rudolph Valentino died
1939: Soviet Union and Germany sign a non-aggression pact (they broke it later)
1904: Hard D. Weed patented the first snow-chain for tires
1305: William Wallace (Braveheart) was hanged, drawn, beheaded and quartered
1821: Spain grants independence to Mexico
1859: the 5th Ave hotel in New York puts the first elevator into operation
1959: character "Sally" (Charlie Brown's sister?) debuts in peanuts comic


Birthdays
1754: King Louis XVI born in Versailles, France
1949: Rick Springfield
1970: Comedian Jay Mohr
1978: Kobe Bryant, son of WNBA L.A. Sparks coach Joe "Jellybean" Bryant (I think he plays somewhere too)
1912: Gene Kelly
1946: Keith Moon, drummer for The Who
1951: Jimi Jamison, lead singer - Survivor
1970: River Phoenix
1933: former CA gov. Pete Wilson

Also, because I was born on August 23rd I am a Virgo on the cusp of Leo. Virgoes are modest and shy, meticulous and reliable, practical and diligent, intelligent and analytical as well as perfectionists and argumentative.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Questioning my own masculinity

I decided to try out this soccer group that plays at Arroyo Seco Park (?) that I found on the internet. First of all, this may be the most bizarre park ever. There is a racquetball club there, which I have never seen in my life. The tees at the golf course are fake-grass mats with pre-placed rubber tees. The tunnel I drive through to get to the field is painted with all kinds of Girl Scout murals. It smells like horses.

On the website, they describe the session as on hour of "training" with a coach followed by a one-hour scrimmage. It is open to guys and girls of any skill level. When I get there I realize that I am going to be one of maybe 4 guys and 20 or so women. The women are every age from 20 to 50+. And if any of you are on the prowl (which I, of course, am not) there are some really good looking women there, not the old ones either. Now before you talk shit, I already told my fiance that there were some hot chicks there. The guy-to-girl ratio does not bother me because I am here to work out and improve my skills.

Next you are expecting me to say that these chicks schooled me, but that was not the case. I held my own despite being terribly out of shape and managed some strong plays and made some good runs that were never recognized by those with the ball, but at least Bolanji (the coach) noticed. So until my knee acted up I was doing really good, running around and all. I had some ligament damage from stepping in a whole running down a foul ball playing softball maybe 5 years ago. My point is that despite turning 28 tomorrow I have conquered my feeling old problem from yesterday.

Tomorrow's Birthday Schedule
8:00 wake up, go for walk while listening to Kevin and Bean
9:15 shower, make myself pretty
10:00 birthday breakfast (probably just cereal and coffee)
10:30 read? plan for school? wait for Office Max to deliver my new digital camera (b-day present)
12:30 watch MLS Select vs. Real Madrid
3:00 clean apartment
5:30 fiance coming over to make me dinner (she's practicing for married life - I'll make her take her shoes off)
after that its a crapshoot - maybe go get some beers, maybe watch a Pay-Per-View movie, maybe watch some of the Simpsons Season 4 DVD I just got (yes, I am still 2 seasons behind.), who knows, but I am of the belief that since it is my birthday I can just sit around the apartment and play soccer video games all night if that is what I wish. It may not seem like the most exciting day to you (except the homemade dinner that might be a delicious casserole), but I am terribly excited.

Final Question: What do people wish for when they blow the candles out on their cake? Have you ever had a wish come true? One time I wished for a really big piece of cake just so I wouldn't be disappointed.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Getting old

I turn 28 Tuesday. I will officially be in my late 20s and I am almost 30, which is officially old. I don't want to be old.

My maternal grandparents are healthy happy people. They recently moved into a retirement community, which basically means nothing except they have a community pool, play cards in the rec room, and that my grandfather no longer has a bar in his garage (which I miss terribly). They get out, do stuff, swim, go to the swap meet, etc.

My paternal grandfather is dead. My paternal grandmother is still going, although she has macular degeneration, which basically means that she is slowly going blind. She lives with her youngest son who is schizophrenic. She complains a lot. I have a lot of respect for my grandmother because she raised my pain-in-the-ass father and his 6 pain-in-the-ass siblings. She has a right to complain to a sense because her husband is gone, she lost one of her sons 25 years ago to a car accident, and of course the aforementioned macular degeneration. However, she really complains a lot.

That is where I find myself not wanting to get old. I can deal with hip replacements and dentures. I can deal with somewhat limited mobility and having to pull my pants up too high. But I really do not want to be a grumpy ass old man (dirty old man I am OK with). I hope that if I get to that point somebody says something to me, either my wife, my kids, or even the neighbors. I also do not look forward to having my friends die. I have few enough of them already, so it would be tough for me. Other than that, I am going to deal with my increasing age OK, but damn, I can really feel it in my knees and often catch myself saying "you know how kids are these days", which really hurts more than my knees.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Happy hour part 2

So I enjoyed happy hour last night because of the atmosphere, the good company, the free super-spicy Chex mix, and of course the beer. But what I enjoy most is the price of said beer. I had a Bass and several Coors Lights while Amanda had an Amstel Light, a Bass, and a Cl. Total price? $13.75. Sure, the first round was free because we sat at a table for a while before I just went to the bar, but I also covered Randy's first PBR as a small welcome-back gift. That just blows my mind.

Which brings my two dilemmas: #1 Do you need to tip as if the beers were regular priced. At 15%, the tip would have been like $2.50, which seems cheap. What to do? I always overcompensate for beers that were comped and I generally over-tip as it is, but I feel like tipping based on happy hour prices is almost like a punishment to the server for the cheap prices. #2 Once school starts again, how legitimate is it for me to be out drinking beers from 9-10:30 when I have to be on the road by 6:30 to get to school on time. I feel like it is economically wise to take advantage of cheap beer, but it seems like I should be able to lay off the cheap beer in favor of a better performance the next day in class. So how often can I go to happy hour and how many beers can I drink without compromising my morals? The devil on one shoulder says Thursdays are good days for a video, but the angel on my other shoulder says that I have to be a responsible adult and a positive influence on the youth of America. Should I tell the angel to chill out and have a beer? What's the public consensus?

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Humility is a warm yellow liquid in a cup

Once a year, give or take, I go in for my regular physical right around the time of my birthday, which just happens to be Tuesday. This year was different because I now live in a different city. I skipped last year's physical because I didn't want to drive all the way to Redlands to get it done. In any case, a regular part of this procedure is getting my labs done. This, much like teaching pre-school, involves a lot of blood and pee.

My old doctor had a really bland waiting room with no decorations and somewhat stained purpleish doctor's office chairs, the kind with very little padding and just wide enough to fit the average human ass. However, the inside was much nicer and when I gave my "sample" I just put it in a little metal closet so I would not have to interact with the person taking my pee. However, the new doctor, a very large (about 6'6" maybe 280) black guy with a really deep voice, has a very nice waiting room. Similar chairs with a lighter tannish color, still with the stains. The roof appears to have had some water issues, but there seems to be a lot of work being done around the place to spruce it up a bit. On the walls is artwork that one would call a masterpiece in the world of medical office waiting rooms. Glowing from the west wall is a huge flat screen TV with cable. It was on CNN during my physical Monday, but today it had Home & Garden. Upon entering the backstage area, it is nice and clean with those medical propaganda posters sporadically hung on the wall telling me to drink water and eat my vegetables. They take my blood, which never bothers me, and then give me the cup for my pee. I go to the bathroom, do my business, and look for the little closet to deposit the sample. Its not there. What do I do? I open the door to find the nurse that took my blood and gave me the cup, but it was just like a movie where you walk into the warehouse and you know there are drug dealers around trying to shoot you but you can't see them. No nurses anywhere. So I wander the hall looking for anyone to take my cup and turn the corner into the full nurses station where all 9 of the nurses see me standing with my cup of pee. The one who I was looking for is turned away so one of the others says "He has some pee for you." I normally don't get this embarrassed, but I quickly handed her the cup and booked my ass out of there, realizing that I was in a room of 10 people with a cup of my own pee in my hand.

Maybe I am making a bigger deal out of this than I need to, but in a summer where I spend my days reading, watching TV, and drinking iced tea, this just stood out to me as an event.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Happy hour

I may not be able to do this as often once school starts, so I think everyone should make it a point to go the Crown for Tim's Wednesday Happy Hour. 9:30?? That's my targeted arrival time.

School starts for me again in about 2 weeks. I don't have students until Sep 6, but I will be learning about the new software we are supposed to use as well as other very interesting topics like repairing my own computer. There are a few other workshops I will be part of, but it has been a while since I was at school, so I forget what I'm supposed to do and when. I am hoping that they send me a letter this week reminding me of what is going on.

Believe it or not, I am very anxious to get back. Last year I started in October, so I am looking forward to fully integrate myself into the school as a real staff person. Maybe I'll start a breakdancing club like I had back in Redlands. I guarantee that I will not be coaching. It seems like coaching is not very well paid or supported at this school. That's not such a bad thing since learning should be the focus of the school instead of athletics, but sports are important in developing school pride, healthy habits, etc. However, I think I would end up losing money by coaching since they won't pay for subs to cover my classes.

Well, now that I have fully entertained you by sharing my thoughts on my job, I will remind you that the real point of this post is to get people to go to Happy Hour.

Monday, August 15, 2005

A couple of things

#1 There was a problem with my blog, so instead of figuring out the problem I changed templates.

#2 More pics from tall ships:













Your eyes are not deceiving you. That chihuahua is wearing a visor.















I liked this New Zealand ship because it was like a pirate ship with a skull and a lady with big boobs on the front. Awesome!

In any case, I highly recommend this event to anyone. From what I understand, this is an annual event and makes stops in several places along the coast during the summer.

In other news, I am going to Claim Jumper tonight to celebrate a birthday with one of Amanda's friends. There is pretty much nothing I like about Claim Jumper. It symbolizes everything that is wrong with America. Why does any one person need enough chicken-fried steak to feed an entire African village? Isn't the fact that they use an entire apple a sign that their food might come in portions that are just a little too large for one human being? Maybe its just me.

tall ships kick ass

Going to see the tall ships on Friday was way more fun than I had imagined. It turns out that even though it may be cloudy, your neck can still get really sunburned when you don't wear sunscreen. Also, just because a restaurant is literally 10 feet from the water does not mean that it will have good fish n' chips. Here are some pics:















This big-ass propeller is from a WWII ship. That lady wasn't paying attention and almost ruined the picture. I punched her in the face right after Amanda snapped this photo






















Didn't I say these were tall ships? Amand is standing to the right of this ship. She is 8'5", so imagine how tall these ships really are.
















Did you know that the LAFD has boats? Well they do, and they shoot out a crapload of water. This was one of the highlights of my day. We were about to leave when this happened. At the time we were on the deck of the ship in the picture below. Also, in the background there are green cranes that are similar to the giant cranes in San Francisco that gave George Lucas the inspiration for the Imperial Walkers in the Empire Strikes Back movie. My friend Pete is a huge nerd so he probably already knew that. I have been told that I am not much of a Star Wars fan because I did not know the name of that the little creature that hangs out with Jaba the Hutt. Turns out he is called Salacious Crumb, but I'm sure nerdy Pete knew that too.




This is the biggest boat that I saw there. It is a Mexican ship called the Cuauthemoc. It was built in Spain about 20 years ago. There were a lot of Mexican Navy guys onboard. I guess the stupid white sailor suits that our Navy guys sometimes wear are universal, because they were also wearing them.
















Finally, this is me driving the Cuauthemoc. The lady on the left laughed at me when I posed for this picture so I punched her in the face as well.

Anyways, that is all for now, but I will post a few more pics later that are pretty cool as well.

Friday, August 12, 2005

ARRRRR! you going to see the tall ships?

Get it? ARRR! Like pirates? Screw you.

I'm leaving in an hour or so to go down to Long Beach to see the tall ships. There are 15 there I think. Why am I going? #1: its free #2: I'm down with all things nautical #3 I want to see if I can annoy people with my pirate jokes #4 I like the idea that I can do something on a Friday afternoon without calling in sick, although the sausage I ate this morning is working my stomach right now.

Maybe I'll post some pics of me on the boats later.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

My first political rant

I almost vowed to never do this, but I've been inspired by the book that I am reading right now (not the same book that I got the idea for the post about music with the world's lamest title). First, let me make it very clear that I am socially liberal meaning that I believe that every person in the world has the right to some form of equality. Second, I am somewhat conservative as well since I believe that people are responsible to claim their rights in any way that is possible. Hence, I am not a big fan of things like welfare when it involves a couple that continually pumps out babies because they can't cover it up or put it away. So I am a Green Party member, but I am far from a tree-hugging hippy.

So here's the official rant. The book I am reading is called The Unknown American Revolution by Gary Nash, who is a history professor at UCLA. The book is basically about the lower classes that really drove and fought in the revolution. During the 17th and 18th century there were basically 4 groups of people: rich white colonists, rich white English appointed to serve the King, lower-class whites (artisans, farmers, etc.) and slaves. The "traditional" American patriots that we are taught about in school are usually (but not always) part of the first group. They were all about liberty from the English and didn't want to keep paying unfair taxes, but this book argues that this was more for the goal of financial profit than for the altruistic belief in freedom. So a lot of the stories that I have read involve lower-class groups that only wanted to have a voice in government, maybe not even control it. However, the aristocratic class made every effort to make sure that the colonial tax system would benefit themselves and place the burden of financing the government on the backs of the lower-class while not giving these same lower-class a voice in this system. When complaining didn't work, the masses simply put it right in these rich guys' faces by kidnapping them, burning them in effigy, and by destroying their homes. Sure, many historians argue that this was the result of a highly uneducated class that did not have a great understanding of politics, but I feel that this is the desperate act of a desperate group of people that only wanted what they were entitled to. It was this same group of people that gave their lives in the revolution so that people like Jefferson, Washington, Adams, etc. could go back to their huge estates and their slaves without being harassed by English tax collectors. (I don't really hate these guys, but the truth hurts sometimes)

I am all worked up because I drew a connection between this struggle for independence and the current political situation in the U.S. I'm not going to spend too much time talking about Bush not being elected "fairly", because that is a tired argument and is only true to a point. My complaint today rests with everyone but the hardcore Republicans. We can bitch all we want about the war in Iraq and how revealing the identity of our spies is not a fireable offense, but most of the people that complain do only that. Look at the voting statistics from the last two elections. The greatest turnout is by old white educated rich people (not men, women vote more than men). Our government is successful in screwing over the poor, the minorities, and those who want equality for all people of different races, sexual preference, economic standing, etc. because we don't do enough to stop it. Minorities vote in small numbers. Young people vote in small numbers. Poor people vote in small numbers. Why? Maybe its because we got to choose between which rich old white guy to vote for. Maybe its because the administration hires goons to stop them from voting (not likely in large enough numbers). I argue that its because the people who don't vote are too damn lazy to care. They bitch about not being represented in government, about how they don't get anything because they are _____ (young, black, Mexican, poor, liberal). However, I don't blame them. The "system" has been made so complex and hidden that they don't know what is going on, and that's just how the government likes it. Bush wants "no child left behind," but doesn't help pay for this to happen. Bush wants to protect people from different countries from terrorism, but what about the homeless people in our country that suffer? Let's get freedom for oil-rich Iraq, but not for cotton-rich Africa? Bullshit.

If you've gotten this far, then you are about to be rewarded with the most radical statement I've maybe ever put in writing. We need to start tearing down houses and burning politicians in effigy. We need to make it clear that there are more of us than there are of them. Granted, I am far from being oppressed (middle-class white educated male that votes), but I still want to see this country live out the ideals that we supposedly stands for. If we get 80% voter turnout and the current conservative ideals stay in place, so be it. But at least we'll have 85 million Americans in the majority decide this than the 30 million in the "majority" that do it now. We are so happy to bitch and bitch and bitch, but shit, its about time that we start using the tools that so many people died to get for us. Let's make it simple enough for everyone to understand. Let's teach our kids that rich people don't die for their freedom, poor people do. The 1800+ troops that have died in Iraq were not all ex-NFL players that gave up millions to go sacrifice for their country. I think the same people that do the dying should also be making the decisions, which is something that I would love to see them do.

That's all. Thanks for staying with me.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

You always look forward to summer until its here

All school-year long I look forward to summer. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and don't come anywhere close to dreading it, but its nice to pretend that you are rich and don't have to work to get a paycheck. You have these dreams of reading a while, going to the gym, and getting things done that I won't have time or energy to do during the school year. Then it turns out that you sleep until noon, have a burrito for breakfast because its already lunchtime, watch some Jerry Springer, take a nap, read for five minutes and then get nothing done.

My summer has been somewhere in the middle of those two scenarios. I rarely sleep past 7:30 and never past 9:00. I actually eat a normal breakfast, although I found out why I stopped eating Raisin Bran when I was 10 - its really nasty. Then I often do watch a little Jerry. I'm not sure why. Today's Jerry was about people getting caught cheating on their spouses, tomorrow is probably about transvestites, then Thursday will be siblings that are sleeping with eachother. Friday we go back to cheating spouses and start the cycle all over again. Believe it or not, my afternoon actually does involve a trip to the gym. After this its a crapshoot. Often I'll read in a coffeeshop, sometimes watch TV, usually spend time with my future wife since I won't see her for 8 months once the school year starts again. (not really, but it often feels like it). Notice that nowhere in this itinerary do I actually get anything done.

Here is what has killed my summer: the heat, FIFA 2005 on my computer, this blog, HBO on demand episodes of Entourage, Fox Soccer Channel, not wanting to shave, a reasonably comfortable couch at my apartment, and a ridiculously comfortable couch at my fiance's apartment. Hopefully, however, I will conquer these issues tomorrow, but not likely.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Songs remind us

I'm reading a book right now that is slowly beginning to feel like a rip-off of High Fidelity. It even refers directly to the book/movie. In any case, the main character mentions several CDs that he can no longer listed to because they remind him of his ex. So that led me to create this list of songs or records and what they remind me of:

Purple Rain (Prince) and Somebody (Depeche Mode). First of all, let me say that these are two artists that I absolutely despise. However, these were always the last two songs played at the dance at my church's summer camp. And by last dance, I mean the one that people just make out to. Granted, I only made out with a girl twice in the 14 years that I went, but that is because I was just too charming and witty for most of these girls.

Wonderwall (Oasis). This song was popular during my freshman year in college and the girls downstairs played it all the time. I wish I could say that it reminded me of the times that I hooked up with all of them, but that would be a lie. My roommate ended up marrying one of them though. However, I did learn how to play this on guitar in the hopes of hooking up with someone. (This song, quite concidentally just came on the radio 5 minutes after I wrote this.)

Voodoo Glow Skulls - Who is this is?. One of my all time favorite records. I played this CD for some guys that were friends of a friend from college that we met during a road trip summer '06. Now, let me preface this by saying that we had spent the night drinking Coors Light, throwing knives, roping a fake cow, cutting shit with 6-foot chainsaws, and listening to the same Hank Williams tape over and over again. When I put this on they all looked at eachother and almost simultaneously said "What the fuck?" Then they spit out their Redman.

Disconnected (Face 2 Face) We used to listen to this song back-to-back-to-back when some friends and I used to drive around bringing havoc to the 909 - putting fish on peoples' lawns, launching oranges with a waterballoon slingshot, all kinds of retarded shit that only happens when you are bored and immature.

Church of Fun (Gang of Four) song by an old-school punk band that we sort of adopted as the theme song for our church youth group. It may have fallen second to Cannibal Corpse's "Dead by Dawn." This was the same church where the assistant priest said that her favorite band was Whitesnake.

My Town (Buck-o-Nine) This song always reminds me of my time in San Diego. I guess its because they are from San Diego and wrote the sone about San Diegi and released it while I was in Sn Diego.

That's all I can really think of right now. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Who knew...?

...that it would be so hot during the summer?

...that people get paid to ride motorcycles and skateboards?

...that, according to my computer, I have spent almost $3000 on groceries this year?

...that the Starbucks Green Tea Frapuccino is basically milk and powder and tastes like a vanilla milkshake?

...that in the year 2005 people still write checks at the grocery store?

...that Robert Todd Lincoln, son of Abraham Lincoln, was within 500 feet or so of each of the first three presidents that were assassinated when they were shot?

...that soccer jerseys were not considered appropriate attire for fancy parties?

...that cleaning your bathroom makes it smell so much better?

...that over the past 5 years or so I have accumulated over 50 pairs of socks?

...that the State of California actually checks to see if you file a tax return? (I did file, but they don't think so)

...that I would have to pay over $30 to fill my gas tank?

...that one day I would rather get a new watch for my birthday instead of transformers?

...that one day I would waste 10 minutes of my life writing this list?

Friday, August 05, 2005

Galaxy v. Chivas



These are pictures from the last Galaxy game. The picture on top is Galaxy and Jamaican National Team Defender Tyrone "The Hatchet" Marshall with his 15-month old son who was trying to clap and chat "Galaxy Galaxy" when my brother took the picture. Below that is Galaxy goalkeeper Kevin "El Gato" Hartman. Not only is Gato a good keeper he is also on the list of 3 people that my sister-in-law is allowed to cheat on my brother with, Amanda had a picture of him next to my picture on her desk at school, and is also on the list of the three people my brother would be willing to take it in the ass from (the 2 others being U2's Bono and Brad Pitt - not for his sex appeal, but mostly for Fight Club). I think Amanda pretends to have a crush on Hartman just to make me think that she really cares about soccer, but I appreciate the effort. I am also going to pretend that somebody besides me cares about who these people are.

You got crapped on

What are the worst responsibilities that a person can take on to help others out? Here's my list:

1. House-sitting or taking care of pets. It never seems like a big deal since you usually only go once a day, but somehow this 30 minute chore becomes the biggest pain in your ass after a few days. It seems like you can go 3 years without having anything to do at 9am, but when you have to deal with the cats or dogs 9am becomes the most popular time to get anything done.

2. Permanent designated driver. This is the person that often volunteers to drive because they never really drink too much, which is pretty cool for those of us who always drink too much to drive. However, when the PDD decides that they do want to drink 2 things always happen: (1) the rest of the people fight over who will take over the responsibility and (2) the person that does take the responsibility ends up drinking too much anyways because either they think the PDD will likely not drink as much as they said or they just forget that they promised to take this responsibility for once.

3. Collecting money from a group to pay the bill. I used to get suckered with this job when I did retreat weekends through a church group. Maybe these people thought that the miracle of the loaves and fishes would repeat itself with the $1.73 they threw in for the appetizer, burger n' fries and 3 Bud Lights that they had. However, I would collect money for a bill that ran around $200 dollars and get $150. This is when I became a dick and went around the table and found out that people would only include the actual amount of the food they bought not including the appetizer they ordered because someone else ate 1 of the 39 hot wings.

4. Buying tickets. Unless you get cash in advance, never buy tickets for anyone unless you have easy access to their house so you can steal shit to sell on E-bay to make back the money. I bought 3 Galaxy tickets for a friend's daughter. There were several people that I knew that still needed tickets, but I held them for this girl. Her dad calls as I am driving to the game to tell me that the daughter backed out. This was the second time she pulled this shit on me. So even if the person is your best friend - CASH IN ADVANCE!

5. Owning a truck. Hell no I won't help you move.

6. Group projects. This can be groups for regular studying or group assignments or even committees at work. Somehow I always end up in a group of people that have no idea what is asked of them or who just don't know their ass from a hole in the ground. For example, I was in a committee at the school where I work. We had to develop programs to build school pride. This other teacher said that we needed a way to get kids to not wear their hoods in class. Here's an idea genius - tell them to take of their fucking hood! In any case, I always end up doing all the work because the other people in the group are retarded.

So that's all I can think of right now, but please feel free to add any other shitty responsibilities.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Soccer

I really like soccer. In the past, I would say that baseball was my favorite sport. That is what I grew up playing, played through high school and recreationally in college, umpired while in high school, I coached softball, etc. However, being a season-ticket holder for the LA Galaxy has really brought this statement into question. If asked the question now, I may say that soccer is now my favorite sport. I almost feel like I am betraying my country by saying it, but I think that is just the case. Here are my reasons for this change of heart:

1. I turned down free Angels tickets today. Granted, I already told my grandma that I would take her to lunch and I really don't want to sit in the summer heat of a day game, but if I was offered free Galaxy tickets I would not likely turn them down. Maybe this is not a reason, but it was at least what made me realize the truth.

2. Rafael Palmeiro. It truly breaks my heart that there are professional baseball players that feel the need to use steroids to do better. And I'm not just picking on one guy. With these new restrictions, there is a noticeable decrease in home run numbers and there are some players that are smaller now.

3. I never forgave them for the strike. Before the strike it was a given that I would go to at least 4-5 baseball games per season. This was true as a child going to Dodgers/Angels games and then as a college student I stopped. A lot of it had to do with the strike in 1994 and the cancellation of the World Series. I still felt a love for the game, but the people playing it and the owners of the teams made me sick.

4. Players used to play to play. Now you have guys like Barry Bonds who expect to make millions of dollars and then demand things like private trainers, an extra locker so he can have a big screen and recliner, etc. Fuck that guy.

5. Baseball cards are too expensive.

6. Soccer fans are more passionate about their teams than in any other sport in the world. Of all the major sports in the US, which team has the most passionate fans? The Raiders? The Red Sox? I guarantee that none of these groups can hold a candle to the loyal followers in the Kop at Anfield on match days to watch Liverpool. They are involved, stand up, yell, and generally pay more attention to the game than to cotton candy, doing the wave, and the diamondvision.

7. Soccer is a beautiful game. I got to watch one of the best teams in the world, Real Madrid, play against the Galaxy. One player in particular, Zinidine Zidane, can do things with the ball at his feet that almost defy physics. I would be that a person would have a better chance to get the ball from my hands than from his feet. Watching Zizu work his magic stunned me far more than watching McGwire break Maris's record, watching Jordan or Magic control a game, or seeing someone like Barry Sanders break people's ankle's with his devastating cuts. Granted, I've been through my share of 0-0 draws, but those can, believe it or not, be somewhat exciting. Sometimes almost scoring is very exciting (in soccer and with a girl).

8. Soccer is the world's sport and brings together people from different cultures and economic backgrounds. What other sport can you play just about anywhere as long as you can find an open field and a ball. Soccer can go beyond poverty, racial boundaries, and language boundaries more than any other sport.

In any case, I'm sure that anybody could counter many of my arguments in favor of baseball, football, basketball, NASCAR (well, that may be pushing it) or any other sport. I welcome those opinions, but I don't think you'll convince me otherwise. However, once I show you the tape of Liverpool overcoming a 3-0 halftime deficit to claim the Champions League title this year, I bet you'll look at soccer differently too.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

to all my critics

So now that people are actually aware of and reading my blog, I get all kinds of complaints.

First, I do not always agree with the political figures that I admire. Although Bryan was a religious fanatic, it is the second word that I like the most - he was a fanatic. He didn't passively promote his views, he spewed them out with incredible fervor as part of some of the most entertaining speeches in American history. Another example is Teddy Roosevelt, one of my favorite figures in American history. Yes, he was an imperialist. Yes, he "helped" Panama revolt against Colombia so he could build the canal. Yes, he played a huge role in getting the U.S. involved in the Spanish-American War. But on the same note, he believed strongly in what he was doing and rarely hid his beliefs. He proudly claimed responsibility for his role in the Panamanian Revolution. Also, he was often criticized for welcoming African-American political figures to the White House, which was seen as a taboo at the time. TR was also known for forcing his guests (Senators, Governors, royalty) to participate in what he called "point-to-point" walks in which he would start at one point and walk straight to another designated point without deviating from his straight path. This meant climbing trees, wading through ponds and fountains, trudging up hills, and dealing with any other obstacle that he came across. In any case, that has more to do with why I like historical figures than their actual beliefs...although there are many that I admire for their beliefs like Gandhi, Oscar Romero, MLK Jr., etc.

Secondly, I didn't say that I felt like I have to be with Amanda to hang out with you guys, but that I feel lame that I have lived in this city for a year without meeting anybody new. I will likely come watch a few of your softball games and would gladly hang out with y'all without Amanda. However, I would also like to meet some people that are likely to want to wake up at 6am on a Saturday to go to Lucky's to watch Liverpool while eating a traditional English breakfast and maybe having a cold pint (although cold and beer are not two words that you'll hear together at Lucky Baldwin's anytime soon).

Finally, I will only allow my blog to affiliate with your blog in an attempt to take over the world if we can agree on a few stipulations:
1. Somehow monkeys need to be involved. Monkey slaves? monkey butlers? monkey editors?
2. If we choose pirate names I get to be Jeff the Ale-swigger
3. There will be no mentioning that I paid full-price to see Spiderman 2 in the theater, the worst movie since King Ralph.

Monday, August 01, 2005

In Memory of...

...William Jennings Bryan. You may have thought that this blog was named after the famous(?) political figure, but it was actually named after my fish (who was named after the famous political figure). Well, WJB the fish is now in that giant fish tank in the sky. He was a betta-fish, so I hope they have a special way to separate him from the other betta fish so they don't fight. (Weird thought: he began struggling to survive around Tuesday last week. Tuesday last week was the 80th anniversary of the death of the real William Jennings Bryan.) All in all, WJB was a runt and generally docile for his breed. He began his life as a centerpiece at my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary. That was almost 2 years ago, so that's a pretty good run for a runty fish. WJB was a very smart fish. I would tap his food jar on the counter and he would swim to the top to eat. When I came home he would swim around excitedly. (Well, maybe I conveniently came home while he was swimming around.) He loved to hang out in his little cave and would sometimes try to attack my finger through the glass. In general, I got more companionship out of that fish than one would expect and I am sad that he is gone. So I think I will have a drink tonight in his honor.

I think I will get another fish next week. He will be named Henry Cabot Lodge. Lodge was a short-time member of the House and a longer-time member of the Senate (about 30 years). He was probably most famous for his fight against the U.S. joining the League of Nations. In any case, I think I will pick a fish that is blue because Lodge was a strong Republican and I think that would be ironic.

In other news, go see March of the Penguins. It is a good documentary about Emperor Penguins that is narrarated by Morgan Freeman. Very well done, interesting, and you will feel the coolness of Antarctica as you sit in the theater. Seriously, it gets really cold in Antarctica and I wouldn't ever want to go there unless I was offered a lot of money and they gave me several jackets as well as some of those hand warmers.