But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Humility is a warm yellow liquid in a cup

Once a year, give or take, I go in for my regular physical right around the time of my birthday, which just happens to be Tuesday. This year was different because I now live in a different city. I skipped last year's physical because I didn't want to drive all the way to Redlands to get it done. In any case, a regular part of this procedure is getting my labs done. This, much like teaching pre-school, involves a lot of blood and pee.

My old doctor had a really bland waiting room with no decorations and somewhat stained purpleish doctor's office chairs, the kind with very little padding and just wide enough to fit the average human ass. However, the inside was much nicer and when I gave my "sample" I just put it in a little metal closet so I would not have to interact with the person taking my pee. However, the new doctor, a very large (about 6'6" maybe 280) black guy with a really deep voice, has a very nice waiting room. Similar chairs with a lighter tannish color, still with the stains. The roof appears to have had some water issues, but there seems to be a lot of work being done around the place to spruce it up a bit. On the walls is artwork that one would call a masterpiece in the world of medical office waiting rooms. Glowing from the west wall is a huge flat screen TV with cable. It was on CNN during my physical Monday, but today it had Home & Garden. Upon entering the backstage area, it is nice and clean with those medical propaganda posters sporadically hung on the wall telling me to drink water and eat my vegetables. They take my blood, which never bothers me, and then give me the cup for my pee. I go to the bathroom, do my business, and look for the little closet to deposit the sample. Its not there. What do I do? I open the door to find the nurse that took my blood and gave me the cup, but it was just like a movie where you walk into the warehouse and you know there are drug dealers around trying to shoot you but you can't see them. No nurses anywhere. So I wander the hall looking for anyone to take my cup and turn the corner into the full nurses station where all 9 of the nurses see me standing with my cup of pee. The one who I was looking for is turned away so one of the others says "He has some pee for you." I normally don't get this embarrassed, but I quickly handed her the cup and booked my ass out of there, realizing that I was in a room of 10 people with a cup of my own pee in my hand.

Maybe I am making a bigger deal out of this than I need to, but in a summer where I spend my days reading, watching TV, and drinking iced tea, this just stood out to me as an event.

2 comments:

Lauri said...

LOL. Not cool at all. I'd be embarrased as well.

Pete said...

I'd be like..."This pee isn't for you, this is MY pee!" Or scream down the hall: "HEY, who gonna collect this cup of piss while its still steamin'!"